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General control line discussion => Open Forum => Topic started by: Dwayne on June 27, 2018, 08:36:30 AM


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Title: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on June 27, 2018, 08:36:30 AM
Did we not used to have a humor section here?
Any way saw this on Facebook and had to post it here. <=
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on June 28, 2018, 06:35:21 PM
Stuka Stunt Works Forum has a humor section. Stunt Hangar is for serious Stunt stuff.  ;) Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on June 30, 2018, 05:25:42 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602.66443.205164012892716/1763916233684145/?type=3
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: skyshark58 on June 30, 2018, 01:25:55 PM
Batman
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 05, 2018, 09:31:47 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602.66443.205164012892716/1774852052590563/?type=3
His hands are dripping kinda yellowish.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 06, 2018, 07:55:29 AM
Something for hunters.   
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Bob Hunt on July 06, 2018, 08:34:27 AM
What? You don't think some of the battles that go on here are not humorous?  n~

Bob Hunt
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: FLOYD CARTER on July 06, 2018, 11:15:33 AM
Any serious collector of antiques or "vintage" stuff knows the market, and they know the real value of things they are looking for.

People who try to sell things when they know nothing about the item are just "blowing in the wind".  A waste of time.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on July 06, 2018, 12:19:20 PM
JOKE OF THE DAY: A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Kraft on July 06, 2018, 12:54:31 PM
The kids were in the lunch line at the Catholic school. At the head of the line was a large bowl of apples. A sign read, take only one, God is watching. At the end of the lunch line was a large platter of chocolate chip cookies. One of he kids had made a note and put by the cookies. Take all you want, God is watching the apples.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on July 07, 2018, 01:17:30 PM
"Stuka Stunt Works Forum has a humor section. Stunt Hangar is for serious Stunt stuff.   Steve"

Now that was funny!

Ken
[/quote

Thank ya, thank ya very much. It was intended to be good for a giggle.  H^^ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 07, 2018, 04:35:20 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF_C3bO8WZ0 

Watch it if you dare, it may bring back powerful memories.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 09, 2018, 03:27:09 PM
While his wife was fighting with a 4 foot Gar fish my son was busy catching the real trophy.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10216314089790855&set=p.10216314089790855&type=3
4th of July weekend at Lake Chicot, Ar.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 10, 2018, 05:16:11 AM
The link worked for me.
 
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on July 10, 2018, 11:02:30 AM
Still same results for me.  Error messages. HB~>
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 11, 2018, 09:19:43 AM
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10216314089790855&set=p.10216314089790855&type=3&theater
Try this one.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on July 11, 2018, 06:00:26 PM
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10216314089790855&set=p.10216314089790855&type=3&theater
Try this one.


I still couldn't get the link to work. But I did learn something. "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

LL~ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 12, 2018, 05:16:41 AM
It's a picture of a 5 foot high first place cook off trophy my son hooked into and landed at the same time his wife was landing the alligator gar. I guess the winner wanted money instead.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 15, 2018, 07:27:48 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602.66443.205164012892716/1788376184571483/?type=3

Try this on for size.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 20, 2018, 08:48:46 AM
A dog and a cat are in Heaven sitting on a cloud. Both have on the white pull over and wings. The dog says to the cat, "I still hate you".
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 20, 2018, 12:17:06 PM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602.66443.205164012892716/1797479940327774/?type=3
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 21, 2018, 11:34:02 AM
http://www.abbottcartoons.com/cartoon-videos/spectickles-on-youtube/
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on July 21, 2018, 12:15:05 PM
25 posts and still nothing by some members who have keen and pretty witty sense of humor....poo

JOKE OF THE DAY: Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault.
We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt.
I reached over and pulled it out.
That's when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said.
"You don't do those kind of things to women."
Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault.
There we were in church saying our prayers.
We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt.
Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.
Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 28, 2018, 05:04:27 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602.66443.205164012892716/1807030842706017/?type=3
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on July 28, 2018, 01:01:51 PM
I forgot I started this thread.  n~ <= Thanks for the replies  #^ y1
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on July 28, 2018, 02:04:40 PM
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just @#$% your pants 3 times. It seemed like
there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of crap chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sum***** now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).


That day changed my life.
I now have a newfound respect for things.
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Mike Haverly on July 28, 2018, 09:10:24 PM
I got this birthday card in March.  It was from my daughter, I think there's a message here. 

I don't get it :'(
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: BYU on July 28, 2018, 09:31:53 PM
Did we not used to have a humor section here?
Any way saw this on Facebook and had to post it here. <=

I just look 👀  out for howards posts
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Don Coe on July 29, 2018, 06:50:28 AM
Wonderful story.  Many chuckles.  Thanks for starting my day with a laugh!  LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on July 29, 2018, 02:44:40 PM
Fred V. I'm still laughing as I read the story.  Didn't your Dad tell you never grad any electrical wire even if you are guaranteed its unplugged?   My Dad said always touch the back of the hand to the wire first.  That is how he checked the generator on the tractor as I would crank it.   Nothing like a dead battery. H^^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 29, 2018, 05:07:00 PM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602.66443.205164012892716/1810171352391966/?type=3
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 29, 2018, 05:15:12 PM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602.66443.205164012892716/1811973278878440/?type=3
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on July 29, 2018, 09:18:51 PM
He wouldn't fall for it.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on August 09, 2018, 04:55:04 PM
https://www.facebook.com/HERMANcomics/photos/a.325873394147016.80622.284901738244182/2005441622856843/?type=3

"Oh baby you knoooooooow what I like".  According to the Big Bopper anyway.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GERALD WIMMER on August 09, 2018, 05:28:07 PM
Hello
Roger Ramjet yes still enjoy these now and perfect for waking up my sons Otto and Max so they don't miss the school bus in the morning it always get them up and watching in seconds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SW_QTikp4-k

If you watch you will see how some episodes are still relevant over 50 years on.

Regards Gerald
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on August 11, 2018, 05:10:32 AM
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.gocomics.com%2Fspectickles%2F2018%2F08%2F11&h=AT38_I_DeyRB7RfgSttH6kvx-cT9lCKHeXxUR2lp0NXXs11zpZ5MQQdYvWGR7gzj_DpKP6UfYxsa4PhilR1tSdJov0fYzyL44pvCjuocHrCQrI8TxFlOX_wot_ytpFEb-tbgROcTR5SnrdsfXIueEC8
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Motorman on August 11, 2018, 06:51:04 AM
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The interrupting cow
The interrup
Mooooo
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on August 18, 2018, 07:59:00 PM
(http://comicskingdom.com/system/media/1543_content_original.gif?1408397602)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Mike Griffin on August 18, 2018, 08:14:34 PM
Here you go
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on August 20, 2018, 05:32:39 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/1847514668657634/?type=3
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on August 26, 2018, 05:11:21 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/1857630944312673/?type=3
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on August 26, 2018, 08:17:47 AM
A guys gives his wife a wrapped present.
She opens the present. Inside the package are 12 pairs of panties-all the same style and color.

She looks and says "what's this?"
He says with a look "panties"

She says " But, uhhhh, they're all the same color and style!"
He shrugs and says "and...….?"

She says " well, people will think that I never change my underwear"
He says   " uhhhhhh…… which people?"
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on August 26, 2018, 12:16:18 PM
Yeah, which?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on August 26, 2018, 12:29:07 PM
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

 Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"

Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye." "Very good, Sam. Thank you."

Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: kevin king on August 26, 2018, 06:15:02 PM
Heeee! That's funny cuz his leash is a CL handle and a set of lines.😂
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Bootlegger on August 27, 2018, 02:59:58 PM

Here is another, A couple are in the movie theater, and the wife say's "I just let a silent fart out" what should I do? The husband say's "get new batteries for your hearing aid"...
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on August 27, 2018, 07:02:57 PM
A priest, a rabbi and a hippopotamus walk into a bar.
The bartender says " What is this? A joke?"
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on August 29, 2018, 10:18:49 AM
Bartenders will do that.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on August 31, 2018, 11:50:30 AM
I thought these were hilarious. You're entitled to disagree, but I don't want to hear about it!   n1 Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Kraft on September 01, 2018, 08:51:03 PM
Once upon a time there was a king, king Arthur, who strayed to far from his kingdom, and got captured by another kings army, and was taken to the foreign king. The king told King Arthur that they were going to kill him unless he could answer a question that no one in his kingdom knew the answer to. He said He would let King Arthur go back to his kingdom for one year. Then if he did not have the answer, they would kill him. So King Arthur asked, what is the question. The king said that no one in his kingdom knew what women want.

So King Arthur went around his own kingdom and no one knew what women want. But some one said there was an old witch that knew the answer. Well, the King said, I can not go to a witch for the answer, but it got down to two days, and he decided he better ask her.

So He went to the witch and asked her, what do women want? She said she knew the answer, but she would only tell him if he had Sir Lancelot marry her. Well, Sir lancelot heard and said he would do any thing to save his king, and he would marry the witch.

So, King Arthur asked the witch, what do women want? The witch replied, they want their own way.

So King Arthur went and told the foreign king the answer and they were glad to hear it and let King Arthur go free.

But, now, Sir Lancelot had to marry the witch. She was really really ugly. She was all bent over with only on tooth, and her hair looked like she used motor oil on it, and she smelled like a garbage can.

On their wedding day he was not looking forward to going in to his house. But when he went in there was the most beautiful women he had ever seen. He asked, what happened? She replied, you gave me my own way and so i became beautiful.

The moral of the story is, if you do not give women their own way things are going to get ugly.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on September 03, 2018, 05:55:31 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/1871138712961896/?type=3
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: kevin king on September 03, 2018, 07:24:16 AM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: kevin king on September 04, 2018, 05:22:21 AM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on September 05, 2018, 09:13:35 PM
Red Chevy
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on September 06, 2018, 08:48:52 PM
A guy is taking his best girl to the prom. He waits in the ticket line for a very long but he gets the necessary tickets. He goes to rent a limo but the line is exceedingly. Eventually he succeeds in securing a limo for the big night. He goes to the florist for flowers. Again there is a long line but he gets the needed flowers. At the prom his date askes him to get a glass of punch. He goes to refreshment table and is there is no punch line.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on September 07, 2018, 11:29:47 AM
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing missing was a good quarterback He scouted and scouted but couldn't find a quarterback who could give the Bears a shot at a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching the news he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!” the coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!”
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as a great football hero and the MVP, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom" he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl !"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old woman says. “You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mom," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans.”


"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!”
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,.........."I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!"
Title: KNOW YOUR TOOLS!!!
Post by: Robert Zambelli on September 12, 2018, 02:00:56 PM
I know that  you have most of these in your shops.
But, do you really know what to do with them?
Here are the answers.
THANKS, Mike Keville

1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your
hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the room, splattering it against
that freshly painted part you were drying.

2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "SH**!!!"

3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads.

5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.

6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2" socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially Douglas fir.

12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your boots.

14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the  tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect.

16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

17. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health
benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark
than light, its name is somewhat misleading (apart from the first bit).

19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off the interiors of Phillips screw heads.

20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to an Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 80 years ago by someone at Ford, and rounds them off.

21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

24. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal,
plastic parts and the other hand not holding the knife.
Title: A quiz for you!
Post by: Robert Zambelli on September 12, 2018, 03:22:28 PM
1923, Who was:
 
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men were considered some of the world’s most successful of their days.
Now, 95 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.
 
 
The Answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,
went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney,
was released from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,
died abroad, penniless.
5. The president of
the Bank of International Settlement,
shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,
also committed suicide

However,
in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion
and the winner of the most important golf tournament,
the US Open, was  Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92,
died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure
at the time of his death.

The Moral:
 
Screw work. Play golf.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on September 12, 2018, 04:04:51 PM
Some weird ones!   LL~  LL~  LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on September 23, 2018, 01:11:33 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Uku2QueJmk
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on October 06, 2018, 12:17:47 PM
Leave it to Aunt Bea for her wisdom
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on October 06, 2018, 06:10:12 PM
A Termite walks into a bar and says "Where's the bar tender?"
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on October 06, 2018, 06:14:34 PM
A big Grizzly bear walks into a bar and grill and says to the bartender,  "I'll have a beer and............       



..............a hot dog please." 

The bartender says "Why the big pause?"

The bear says "I'm a bear."
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on October 06, 2018, 08:36:08 PM
This is for Tony....  VD~ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on October 07, 2018, 12:42:10 PM
In case you are having a rough day, here's a stress management technique that has been recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile:


1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the World.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.




7. The water is so clear you can make out the face of the Liberal you are holding underwater.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on October 08, 2018, 09:34:59 AM
This is how I feel most of the time.  n~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on October 08, 2018, 09:44:45 PM
2 eggs, bacon and hashbrowns walk into a bar
The bartender says ' Get out ! We don't serve breakfast!'
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 09, 2018, 05:07:15 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2018/10/08
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on October 10, 2018, 10:37:15 AM
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."




Steve, good thing I'm not a Maple Leaf fan, but that's still a good one!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on October 11, 2018, 12:07:25 AM
My wife yeah....  My wifes cookin' ...was so bad......the flies chipped in to fix the screen door...yeah!

(https://celebposter.com/thumbs/Rodney-Dangerfield-poster_2194582_b.jpg)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on October 11, 2018, 01:17:43 AM
In case you are having a rough day, here's a stress management technique that has been recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile:


1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the World.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.




7. The water is so clear you can make out the face of the Liberal you are holding underwater.
Now that there is FUNNY!!!!!! LL~  LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on October 11, 2018, 07:01:39 PM

 
 DIVORCE HEARING IN KENTUCKY…


A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Kentucky, but the custody of their three children posed a problem.

The mother said since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.  After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:

"Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine ?"


DON'T LAUGH . . .  HE WON!   H^^ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on October 11, 2018, 07:35:19 PM


An Elderly Lady's Prayer

A friend reports hearing a sweet elderly lady in the pew next to him
saying a prayer.  It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to
share it with you:

"Dear Lord:

The last four or five years have been very tough.

You have taken my favorite actor - Paul Newman; my favorite actress -
Elizabeth Taylor; my favorite singer - Andy Williams; my favorite author
- Tom Clancy; and now, my favorite comedians - Robin Williams and Joan
Rivers.

I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are: Barack
Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Shumer, Maxine
Waters, Elizabeth Warren and Harry Reid, and I also have a special place
in my heart for George Soros, Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton and Chicago's
mayor, Rahm Emanuel.

Amen."
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 17, 2018, 05:20:22 AM
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his friend on the trail???
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 22, 2018, 05:34:22 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2018/10/22?fbclid=IwAR1GYmeE-Q0FvUqVAPiITsVzC5ZP_gwoRdSdebBToThfGf3YhMXCUWuJ1l0
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gerald Arana on October 22, 2018, 07:05:54 AM
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his friend on the trail???

Yes, I did.

Now did you hear when they started to eat a fellow and one said" You start at the feet and I'll start at the head"?

After a while the one at the head said "How are you doing" and the other one said 'I'm having a ball".

Then the first one said "Slow down, you're eating to fast"
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 24, 2018, 05:19:39 AM
If you suck at playing the trumpet that's probably why.

Despite the high cost of living it remains popular.

Irony, the opposite of wrinkly.

Well to be frank I'd have to change my name.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 24, 2018, 02:29:55 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T53iB0zxsto
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 25, 2018, 08:35:52 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbOX7yyL8VM
Several spots with trying to fly a plastic .049 ARF.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 26, 2018, 06:51:55 AM
https://www.facebook.com/FrostHeaves/?__tn__=kCH-R&eid=ARAy6R2-443YRBGFEMe7a6rUGR6LP1uGNMRb3_LbnQYAzzg3PdI_unCquth-Q2h2NdmFSmZ-vz2S9Mwe&hc_ref=ARSKfkHWcGqZ7YqIIqfS5NKAoBwS05_Bl_M8C_Pf_V0ZjKDwIKBucXtNLUXJay1KlNk&fref=nf&__xts__[0]=68.ARBYHNreflVhwLG1JcS0oEh1yDkQY8j_9ji4KRuWa3v4zFKS7KYGUUNRTNoNHCo7N5J11Z6jCUxPSacwotVNQU3oPqboMug0jJQtZL3X6uc0wT7eSeNRmlHNAsiT11agkXWZ4LoB2qxh8VamH1L9ERC2Pcc7hp8YqohhF-Kahj4ikmvKj8vfQRYQR9MYfb_iS-suhrG_BI0jxUTGJI9aA2Bf5xZC9YN6n-X4pPlgJC1eqfv7z4YOkDJPagRKRcUgBRR5RTM

There you go, Friday's with Fred.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Mike Callas on October 26, 2018, 04:56:58 PM
Why can't witches get pregnant??


Because their husbands have hollow weenies.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on November 07, 2018, 03:55:54 AM
Why do you never want to point a fan at the ceiling??

Because it will blow up!!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Peter Grabenstein on November 07, 2018, 07:34:58 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sURBf_BzBIc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEn74xixdcw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uP9ShgxE2_A


 H^^
Peter
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on November 07, 2018, 08:24:17 PM
(https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2017-06/8/22/asset/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-02/sub-buzz-3701-1496974031-2.png?downsize=800:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Brent Williams on November 07, 2018, 10:06:10 PM
I buy weapons from this big mouth, tough guy who's street name is T-Rex....He's a small arms dealer....
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 13, 2018, 11:20:25 AM
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.abbottcartoons.com%2Fheavenly-humor-cartoons%2Fanother-spectickles-from-the-heavenly-humor-collection%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1q_IY6lXFqp5fWI2j5UnEnmLFG6mAZJCBj_bA4NuSmvLD5zAxqjdd0G9M&h=AT31z_IjKWbjtATMEtgaCmgz6sdZuEWZWDhz3Kuop626pZFNcc7t2zrmW_WblJnV1pNkPnva4NTyWIz_BeGPG6Ad-jLFWPfyE_D1RbvyKNmt-67SMmplIWM9nQTDvTNAWoBcwHXTKSWwuLoS7Sf62PJrdTzx9wgarByw8___HCdZtrqTcJNRGmG39qizQ09hMDOR3xuDxPchT5UgGjjuA1mHxvBF3i3l7BrmU8jfucdTZJ_GB_3PpRAjEOVXotq3Vg8HYwmNZOQocJ5gEy7H4Fm0ZorwzwbWuDytn9ICOfdqQjLFIa2Y2RmBmAu3rY-LbeMu9QqKaa7jQTV5l3lUNaPqHwLSnR6cqdK_zujfPRjNOmuZM4DArE-VgTZhxr3eYQd0ToljPUkLmJmW6Bu4khtuBakIKb7_le0hAnqp0bggsa0LseDHXUEmz4C4wWvgyBRKAke_VrormVqNbqf-mSS9o_8vUesz6jiyDmcBv3qulH_Tu0yi_-iovTX_zP6vr8LYqug2EZ32BO8eDFElijY3zMrVrMZHVpgKSLszwyRV9rRAume_sHBuJdkZl3PUs_anJHTRseROPqcnhQYM6N6bL53PmdQHBO0ToxqihLkSHHLVwRonGk8GbQBimN1oUNPEKSJyXwvjzvacJaWLxH1SCLY--5m8VWCHXwsdbQ
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GERALD WIMMER on November 15, 2018, 01:39:28 AM
And here we are mentioned.... #^
https://www.chickenwingscomics.com/comics/the-secrets-of-flying-control-line/
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on November 15, 2018, 03:16:03 AM
And here we are mentioned.... #^
https://www.chickenwingscomics.com/comics/the-secrets-of-flying-control-line/
Well, That explains why my flights last about 38 seconds and I keep getting hit in the head.......LOL!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on November 15, 2018, 04:36:28 PM
(https://www.chickenwingscomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/2010-05-11-cw0520.jpg)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on November 17, 2018, 12:02:07 PM
Remember this for the coming winter.

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold.  His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good, either.

On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath.  As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throe open all the wundows and stand in the draft.

But doc, protested the patient,  If I do that, I'll get pneumonia.

I know, said the doctor,  I can cure pneumonia.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: skyshark58 on November 17, 2018, 12:31:57 PM
A weasel goes into a bar
The bartender asks "what are you drinking?"
POP,goes the weasel!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on November 17, 2018, 02:08:53 PM
ALERT!! The University of Berkeley and The Livermore laboratory , A major research institution, have just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named Pelosium. The chemical symbol of Pelosium is Pu. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates MSNBCobnoxium and CNNadnauseum, both elements that radiate orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since they have half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on November 17, 2018, 05:40:17 PM
ALERT!! The University of Berkeley and The Livermore laboratory , A major research institution, have just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named Pelosium. The chemical symbol of Pelosium is Pu. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates MSNBCobnoxium and CNNadnauseum, both elements that radiate orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since they have half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.

In Canada there is a similarly dense element called Trudeaunium.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on November 17, 2018, 06:01:02 PM
ALERT!! The University of Berkeley and The Livermore laboratory , A major research institution, have just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named Pelosium. The chemical symbol of Pelosium is Pu. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates MSNBCobnoxium and CNNadnauseum, both elements that radiate orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since they have half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.

This is fantastic!!!!!

Gary
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on November 20, 2018, 10:26:49 AM
So after beheading his second wife, King Henry decided to commemorate the event by dedicating a new room in the castle. He called it the Boleyn Alley........
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on November 20, 2018, 02:35:38 PM
This might save you the cost and embarrassment of being arrested for DUI.

As you know, people have been known to have unexpected brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well this year, it happened to me.

I was out for the evening to a party and had more than several margaritas coupled with a bottle of rather nice red wine.
It was held at a great Mexican restaurant.

Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before . . . I took a taxi home.

On the way home there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.
These roadblocks can be anywhere, and I realized how lucky I was to have chosen to take a taxi.

The real surprise to me was I had never driven a taxi before.
I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.

If you want to borrow it, give me a call.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on November 20, 2018, 03:06:44 PM
A baby seal walks into a bar. Bartender says " Shewt, yer a cute little feller. What can I hit you with?"
Seals says " Anything except Canadian Club."
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on November 21, 2018, 10:38:08 AM
This might save you the cost and embarrassment of being arrested for DUI.

As you know, people have been known to have unexpected brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well this year, it happened to me.

I was out for the evening to a party and had more than several margaritas coupled with a bottle of rather nice red wine.
It was held at a great Mexican restaurant.

Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before . . . I took a taxi home.

On the way home there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.
These roadblocks can be anywhere, and I realized how lucky I was to have chosen to take a taxi.

The real surprise to me was I had never driven a taxi before.
I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.

If you want to borrow it, give me a call.


This is funny.  Makes me remember when a friend of mine called me and asked me to take him to his girl friends place.   Seems he had too much to drink and couldn't remember where his car was.  She called him to see if he was able to come and get his car as she had driven him home and tucked him in bed and then drove back to her place.   D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on November 21, 2018, 01:14:56 PM

This is funny.  Makes me remember when a friend of mine called me and asked me to take him to his girl friends place.   Seems he had too much to drink and couldn't remember where his car was.  She called him to see if he was able to come and get his car as she had driven him home and tucked him in bed and then drove back to her place.   D>K

She got a sister?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 25, 2018, 09:44:17 AM
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.abbottcartoons.com%2Fdentist-cartoons%2Fbest-of-spectickles-sunday-comics-2%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR3AQSix--UZjPEueD_601QEq7dVQ-EvFqDyRStx5Ewkp9ZZiUdJ-NHTrCU&h=AT3Wy8KGJXtXid7nCIgEvoJcfnH3WJq_WlnAnWFfM4pAtE61w6oT8nYWAa0T2cjJYu8_CXcSUEtaf9ikPJg4csMgshfruIrtjzYRpVjk4C2a67B0GxAEukfug8_sEB1mzr9AxxYQYI6Y7gnIy27r_JRC951oFsn-NRH-boRwcvNGYkTH7Ff45Qbgkp0_GNkXWYznh6DABmKBEHTRxh8FcNcHELwTFc1OYrlPSiGhOoNYPcah2HyIzezGq2JgsFQua6ir5aE49hBGGIkEJTTmQ9uo7RvthO-TIEqyaLOzmsHfVLVrNcq9_pnrT1c8WoPi3Gy0utWHeBtoBIzu051xf3MK9ilLztkggOhFxdgQ27HOFTotyzryujo9_9IH_hkVQ6QXV-HDtxdQnnBNM-sV54REnjTE1-EDpjjwCjORn3ZwVqkJsDkeBDto-P9_i3bV5GH8wcLMBORjx_mVXNw14Ed2HV0e_LE2m5N5YRKs4D7eJyHoJ9Vu5FQ9-caHrolmuFo7ozz-dXoDfQyrhX23OsB5ioz0nW2tP2uKf2IwyzJakz_oIM78wEIDfLL3UXc17yu7HHuH_QaFy2MZg4A88vcJoUoLQOHO-2gX4KQU0QOLoVs87bCpAbtKmOUoXJmfI3lwcm0L3yP-M5Jpve0AN3MgQfwqeDAyKFyiTjSfpg
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on November 25, 2018, 03:06:02 PM
I was walking home last night and decided to take a short cut through the cemetery. . . 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me.  I told them, "I understand . . . I used to get freaked out too when I was alive".

Never seen anyone run so fast. H^^ 
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on November 28, 2018, 10:45:38 AM
Some body complaining and I'm one of the old drivers.   Too many close calls and nothing like getting stopped for a brake light not working or for not signalling that you are moving into the right turn lane. ???
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 30, 2018, 01:15:06 PM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/1982775191798247/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on December 02, 2018, 01:35:12 PM
I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new 2019 F-150 aluminum pickup.
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.

I wanted to sense that new truck "feel" before they become old.

The salesperson (a nice looking lady wearing a “RESIST” lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest.

She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with her, I mentioned that this must be a CONSERVATIVE truck. Looking a bit angry, she asked why I thought it was a CONSERVATIVE truck.

"I explained that if it were a LIBERAL truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your ass year-round!"

I had to walk back to the dealership but it was worth it.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Will Hinton on December 02, 2018, 03:06:04 PM
Fred, you just won the contest! LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ H^^ H^^ n~ n~ n~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on December 02, 2018, 07:12:39 PM
Yep, way to go Fred. LL~ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on December 02, 2018, 10:37:14 PM
Some body complaining and I'm one of the old drivers.   Too many close calls and nothing like getting stopped for a brake light not working or for not signalling that you are moving into the right turn lane. ???

The attachment is for Unkle Jimby specifically (we had an argument about it at Clovis one year) and many other Californians. Legend has it that turn signals (blinkers) are an optional extra from the manufacturers, but I have not been able to confirm that. Please note the "ID-10T" specification. VD~ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on December 09, 2018, 05:22:13 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/1992756584133441/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on December 16, 2018, 05:23:44 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2003569553052144/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on December 16, 2018, 08:36:09 AM
https://www.facebook.com/shoecomics/photos/a.10150351995199220/10156613078849220/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on December 18, 2018, 01:27:17 PM
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Saskatchewan back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on December 18, 2018, 01:30:11 PM
A couple was in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing, and as they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell phone. The wife said "Where are you?
You know we have lots to do."

He said, "Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond necklace?

I could not afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you."

Little tears started to flow down her cheek, and she got all choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop," she replied.

"Well, I'm in the Hooters right next door to it."
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: qaz049 on December 18, 2018, 02:58:52 PM
I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new 2019 F-150 aluminum pickup.
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.

I wanted to sense that new truck "feel" before they become old.

The salesperson (a nice looking lady wearing a “RESIST” lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest.

She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with her, I mentioned that this must be a CONSERVATIVE truck. Looking a bit angry, she asked why I thought it was a CONSERVATIVE truck.

"I explained that if it were a LIBERAL truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your ass year-round!"

I had to walk back to the dealership but it was worth it.

Reminds me of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=YfXwLi847-w
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on December 19, 2018, 08:43:29 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2018/12/19?fbclid=IwAR2qTvQsJvi8kglj6Zx69BZyturxW5HNzvRUbaEO-T8o-5KkQgvm_1szZvI
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on December 19, 2018, 12:38:40 PM
"How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mummy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

Ms. Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane,
So she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said,
"That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus.
But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"

The Sunday School Teacher asks,
"Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No ma'am," little Johnny replies, I don't have to.
My mom is a good cook."

And here is the best one.

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago"
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on December 21, 2018, 05:37:35 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2010324409043325/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on December 21, 2018, 10:29:55 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2011562098919556/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on December 27, 2018, 02:10:51 PM
https://www.facebook.com/HERMANcomics/photos/a.325873394147016/2210672772333726/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on December 27, 2018, 05:02:55 PM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2011562098919556/?type=3&theater

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgd9hitEAE
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on December 31, 2018, 06:22:51 PM
Why do Storm Troopers only carry I phones ??

Because they can never find the Droid they are looking for!!
 LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~

Gary
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 01, 2019, 11:40:15 AM
If you want real humor, listen to the politicians make their speeches depending on where they are speaking.   Almost 90% of them contradict themselves.   To bad we can't hold them accountable.    S?P
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Will Hinton on January 01, 2019, 03:07:16 PM
Sorry Doc, old friend, but I can't find a single thing amusing about any politicians during this age.  There just ain't nuthin funny happening there.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 02, 2019, 09:26:25 AM
What's funny to me is how they contradict them selves and nobody catches on. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on January 02, 2019, 10:18:42 AM
What's funny to me is how they contradict them selves and nobody catches on. D>K
i catch on, and frequently it takes me a few minutes after arriving home to pry my teeth out of the steering wheel again after my anger boils over, again
Gary
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Will Hinton on January 02, 2019, 02:37:19 PM
I have to wrestle my right hand away from my Glock.
Title: The Christmas Drone....
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 07, 2019, 01:02:24 AM
Got this for Christmas.  LL~ Steve




Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 07, 2019, 01:06:28 AM
Latest information is that it needs to be push-started. Who knew?   ??? Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on January 07, 2019, 05:27:18 AM
I think you have to “sit on it and rotate” Fonzi.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 08, 2019, 11:54:28 AM
Found this at local Ace Hardware.   Works great for patching planes at the field.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 08, 2019, 01:00:34 PM
Can anybody tell me what size these are? Tony? I need some just like them!  #^ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on January 09, 2019, 03:17:35 AM
Can anybody tell me what size these are? Tony? I need some just like them!  #^ Steve

I don't know about size Steve,..but they are certainly not tube(top)less! H^^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 11, 2019, 05:43:27 AM
https://www.facebook.com/HERMANcomics/photos/a.325873394147016/2228996460501357/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 13, 2019, 08:37:49 AM
The malady "Asstrophobia" is when the nerves that run between the eye and the rectum get crossed up and you have a poopy outlook on life.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gerald Arana on January 13, 2019, 09:29:49 AM
The malady "Asstrophobia" is when the nerves that run between the eye and the rectum get crossed up and you have a poopy outlook on life.

Now that was funny! LMAO!

Jerry
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on January 13, 2019, 09:45:44 AM
The malady "Asstrophobia" is when the nerves that run between the eye and the rectum get crossed up and you have a poopy outlook on life.

I thought that was called Anal-rectal-eyetist?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Herman Green on January 13, 2019, 10:13:51 PM

My doctor said that malady was "Optirectumy"!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on January 13, 2019, 10:22:22 PM
I thought that was called Anal-rectal-eyetist?

THAT there is funny stuff!!!!! LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: wwwarbird on January 13, 2019, 10:22:41 PM
Can anybody tell me what size these are?   #^ Steve

 I don't know, but one is slightly bigger than the other. I've also heard that's true of all of them.  D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: wwwarbird on January 13, 2019, 10:24:32 PM
Found this at local Ace Hardware.   Works great for patching planes at the field.

 Ha!  LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 16, 2019, 06:08:31 AM
I was driving down a lonely road
on a dark and stormy night.
When a little girl by the roadside
showed up in my headlights.
I stopped and she got in back,
and in a shaky tone,
she said my name is Mary,
vice squad,
and your under arrest for transporting
chickens across state lines for immoral purposes.

(Sorry Mac)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 19, 2019, 09:09:38 AM
Courtesy of Charles Johnson.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gerald Arana on January 19, 2019, 09:26:40 AM
I was driving down a lonely road
on a dark and stormy night.
When a little girl by the roadside
showed up in my headlights.
I stopped and she got in back,
and in a shaky tone,
she said my name is Mary,
vice squad,
and your under arrest for transporting
chickens across state lines for immoral purposes.

(Sorry Mac)

I don't get it. I think you left something out.............(?)

Jerry
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 19, 2019, 11:44:01 AM
It's an old Mac Wiseman song that I changed a bit.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__rM2VGEYnM
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 19, 2019, 12:08:12 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEdkHSErgWE
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gerald Arana on January 19, 2019, 01:25:42 PM
It's an old Mac Wiseman song that I changed a bit.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__rM2VGEYnM

Oh.


Hate to see you change it alot!  y1

Jerry
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: FLOYD CARTER on January 19, 2019, 09:56:16 PM
Speaking of Groucho;  I remember a TV show a long time ago.  Groucho had as guest a woman from Zagreb.  She reported she had 6 (or was that 8) children.

Groucho asked "Why do you have so many?"

She said, "I enjoy children."

Groucho:  "Well, I enjoy my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."

The laughter was maybe the longest in TV history.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 22, 2019, 12:03:45 PM
By popular request.....  D>K Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 22, 2019, 05:31:56 PM
HOME INVASION:

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. Man started sobbing and said,

“You can take anything you want. You can kill me also. But please untie the rope and free her.”

Thief: “You must really love your wife!”

Man: “No, but she will be home shortly”.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Will Hinton on January 22, 2019, 07:24:47 PM
Thanks a bunch, Steve!  Now I'll have a hard time going to sleep tonight and my wife is gonna want to know what I'm laughing about!  You probably just got me in trouble and cost me a good night's sleep
Seriously, THAT is one of the best yet.! LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ H^^ H^^ H^^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on January 22, 2019, 11:19:08 PM
HOME INVASION:

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. Man started sobbing and said,

“You can take anything you want. You can kill me also. But please untie the rope and free her.”

Thief: “You must really love your wife!”

Man: “No, but she will be home shortly”.
That's funny stuff right there!!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 23, 2019, 11:03:04 AM
This sounds almost like when we would get done with a growth job out of town, the boss would tell us to call home and let the wife know you were on your way home. I am surprised we didn't have a higher divorce rate when guys would have to call home and tell wife to go to the clinic.   I never had that problem D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 23, 2019, 12:48:37 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCj0iVHNgVo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCj0iVHNgVo)   LL~  LL~  LL~   LL~  LL~  LL~ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on January 23, 2019, 09:03:59 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VdbwmJX70Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CltZG7Cw0eo
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: TigreST on January 23, 2019, 09:39:20 PM
So…the husband comes home and finds his wife packing her suitcase.

“Where are you going?”, he asks.

She says, “I’ve just watched a show on the t.v. and they said that as a prostitute in Toronto I can earn $400.00 a pop for what I’ve been giving away to you for free all these years!”

Hearing this the husband goes to the closet and grabs his suitcase and begins packing.

She sees this and asks, “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

He says, “I’m going to Toronto with you.  I wanna  see how you live on $800.00 a year!”
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Roselle on January 28, 2019, 12:17:44 AM
The most humorous thing this week:

 Ann Coulter calling Trump the biggest wimp to ever be president and calling herself a stupid girl because she voted for a “lying con man”. Now THAT’S funny!!!

Nancy Pelosi built a wall and Trump ran right into it...
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 28, 2019, 12:09:49 PM
The most humorous thing this week:

 Ann Coulter calling Trump the biggest wimp to ever be president and calling herself a stupid girl because she voted for a “lying con man”. Now THAT’S funny!!!

Nancy Pelosi built a wall and Trump ran right into it...

Not funny but I think all politicians who don't go for building the wall should be required to tear down the walls around their properties.   Check history,  Clinton started a bill that Obama signed into law and now Trump is getting blasted for wanting to enforce it. S?P
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Roselle on January 28, 2019, 04:30:40 PM
That was not a wall, it was empty Botox containers.

Ken

Whatever it was it sure as hell worked. Im sure trump is no stranger to the Botox needle or the plastic surgeons knife either.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Roselle on January 28, 2019, 06:58:28 PM
Not funny but I think all politicians who don't go for building the wall should be required to tear down the walls around their properties.   Check history,  Clinton started a bill that Obama signed into law and now Trump is getting blasted for wanting to enforce it. S?P


They’ve caught more people on the terror watch list coming in from Canada than Mexico. Why no suggestion of a wall on the northern border? As far as undocumented migrants from the south I’ve been working with them my entire adult life. At the lower end of the pay scale their work ethic is far superior to any natural born Caucasian  citizen I’ve ever worked with. Undocumented immigrants are here because we want them to do the jobs most Americans feel they are above. If we didn’t want them here enough to make them a vital part of our economy they wouldn’t be  here. For what it’s worth if you lost your job to someone with a third grade education that can’t speak English it’s your own damn fault.

As far as illegal drugs coming across the border find a way to make American citizens stop being the single most lucrative market and the flow will stop.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: wwwarbird on January 28, 2019, 07:09:25 PM
So…the husband comes home and finds his wife packing her suitcase.

“Where are you going?”, he asks.

She says, “I’ve just watched a show on the t.v. and they said that as a prostitute in Toronto I can earn $400.00 a pop for what I’ve been giving away to you for free all these years!”

Hearing this the husband goes to the closet and grabs his suitcase and begins packing.

She sees this and asks, “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

He says, “I’m going to Toronto with you.  I wanna  see how you live on $800.00 a year!”

  LL~ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: wwwarbird on January 28, 2019, 07:25:20 PM


They’ve caught more people on the terror watch list coming in from Canada than Mexico. Why no suggestion of a wall on the northern border? As far as undocumented migrants from the south I’ve been working with them my entire adult life. At the lower end of the pay scale their work ethic is far superior to any natural born Caucasian  citizen I’ve ever worked with. Undocumented immigrants are here because we want them to do the jobs most Americans feel they are above. If we didn’t want them here enough to make them a vital part of our economy they wouldn’t be  here. For what it’s worth if you lost your job to someone with a third grade education that can’t speak English it’s your own damn fault.

As far as illegal drugs coming across the border find a way to make American citizens stop being the single most lucrative market and the flow will stop.

 A great song here (recorded 12 years ago)...

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Usj4U9e6JQI
 
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 29, 2019, 11:15:31 AM
Some times the truth is funny S?P
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Roselle on January 29, 2019, 03:07:58 PM
Some times the truth is funny S?P

Leviticus 19:33-34

  “When a foreigner resides among you in your land,  do not mistreat them.
     The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were  foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.”

I suppose we all have our own truth to follow, this is mine.

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 30, 2019, 05:22:17 AM
https://www.facebook.com/shoecomics/photos/a.10150351995199220/10156724485294220/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: FLOYD CARTER on January 30, 2019, 11:33:16 AM
Be very careful what you post here.  If you dare to criticize The Donald, you will get jumped on and thrashed.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on January 30, 2019, 05:21:04 PM
Be very careful what you post here.  If you dare to criticize The Donald, you will get jumped on and thrashed.

Remember that this is the humor page. If it ain't funny it belongs somewhere else.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on January 31, 2019, 06:08:39 PM
A guy sees a hitchhiker. Hitchhiker is standing at the side of the road, right hand out, thumb up in the classic pose. With his left hand he is furiously picking his nose. Driver pulls to a stop and asks the hitchhiker " How far are ya goin'?" The hitchhiker replies " Does it matter to you if I'm going all the way to my wrist?"
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 31, 2019, 09:05:13 PM
Be very careful what you post here.  If you dare to criticize The Donald, you will get jumped on and thrashed.


That's "Mr. President", and don't forget it! He is OUR/YOUR President, just like that last guy.  H^^ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on February 04, 2019, 02:17:34 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQLv7CG10B4    Rodney Dangerfield.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on February 13, 2019, 05:37:50 AM
New Hampshire weather man. Danger, rough language.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/917098491663417/
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on February 13, 2019, 07:05:04 AM


They’ve caught more people on the terror watch list coming in from Canada than Mexico. Why no suggestion of a wall on the northern border? As far as undocumented migrants from the south I’ve been working with them my entire adult life. At the lower end of the pay scale their work ethic is far superior to any natural born Caucasian  citizen I’ve ever worked with. Undocumented immigrants are here because we want them to do the jobs most Americans feel they are above. If we didn’t want them here enough to make them a vital part of our economy they wouldn’t be  here. For what it’s worth if you lost your job to someone with a third grade education that can’t speak English it’s your own damn fault.

As far as illegal drugs coming across the border find a way to make American citizens stop being the single most lucrative market and the flow will stop.

Don't like politics on a model site and most definitely not on my threads, but this here deserves a big amen and thanks.  It truly amazes me how many sane rational adults are so naive to think that the wall will do something to slow down the amount of drugs entering the Country, it  won't, not one  bit, as long as the demand is there the dealers will just find another way. The end.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Mike Griffin on February 14, 2019, 07:14:20 AM
His new wife was standing there by the bench watching  him. After a long period of  silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking,  now that  we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your  time out here in your garage. You probably should also consider selling your Harley and all your welding equipment along with your gun collection, your fishing gear, the boat and all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump that vintage hot rod sports car and your  home brewing equipment.”   
Tom got a horrified look on his face. She said, "Darling, what's  wrong?”   
He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife!”   
"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED  BEFORE!”   
Tom replied, “I wasn't."
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gerald Arana on February 14, 2019, 09:29:22 AM
New Hampshire weather man. Danger, rough language.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/917098491663417/

That language is a little to "rough" a AFAIC

Not funny, just vulgar.

Try again, Jerry
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 15, 2019, 11:36:27 AM
Some funnies to me.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on February 15, 2019, 09:08:10 PM
(https://external.fsyd4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/safe_image.php?d=AQAF3v1lncTOUb4N&w=540&h=282&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.trumpshobbies.com%2Fimages%2Fslide1.gif&cfs=1&upscale=1&fallback=news_d_placeholder_publisher&_nc_hash=AQCU5FMny1Y_mrSj)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on February 15, 2019, 10:17:35 PM
(https://external.fsyd4-1.fna.fbcdn.net/safe_image.php?d=AQAF3v1lncTOUb4N&w=540&h=282&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.trumpshobbies.com%2Fimages%2Fslide1.gif&cfs=1&upscale=1&fallback=news_d_placeholder_publisher&_nc_hash=AQCU5FMny1Y_mrSj)


There's a Trump's Hobbies in Corvallis, Oregon. Not sure if it's the one in the picture, but I've been there. I looked all around, bought the latest issue of Flying Models and left. Yep, it was awhile ago.  y1 Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on February 16, 2019, 04:33:28 PM
As a single mom I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.  While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right.  I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, "Yes, you are correct.  But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "’Cause you're ugly."
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 16, 2019, 05:31:56 PM
Did the drunk live long enough to make it to the hospital? LL~ LL~ LL~

But, you know as I got older the ladies of this world sure improved in looks. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on February 18, 2019, 03:50:15 PM
Just saw this on UTube. Pretty funny, tho it is in a foreign language. The magic laundry basket and magic table are a hoot. Don't turn up the volume if your "trouble & strife" is nearby.  LL~ Steve

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=100&v=SqQgDwA0BNU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=100&v=SqQgDwA0BNU)


Edit: It's really not in a foreign language, but Matt Spencer would have better luck than some. Subtitles aren't actually required.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on February 22, 2019, 09:19:47 AM
A little political but funny!

Remember that the idiot Trump-haters have called him mentally ill, a pathological liar and the WORST president in history.
Some have claimed that he's lazy and has done nothing for the USA.
And others have said that obummer was the best president in history and his wife the most beautiful first lady (I question "lady")
Now THAT'S FUNNY!

Done nothing for the country? I beg to differ.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 22, 2019, 10:51:51 AM
They left off that he bowed or apologized to any foreign leader.   I also think another first was the best looking and didn't need an army of servants.  By the way the Trump Ringmaster is listed on the bay. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on February 22, 2019, 05:04:46 PM
Subject: The moral of the story.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to
tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their
stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized, that only Jeanie was left.
"Jeanie, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot
in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival
knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and
then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops........
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed
four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the
last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you
was the moral to this horrible story'?"
...."Don't Screw with Mommy when she's been drinking."
....I love these touching stories !!!


 

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 25, 2019, 12:40:56 PM
These I laugh and cringe at as I wonder where she got her education.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on February 25, 2019, 01:18:09 PM
These I laugh and cringe at as I wonder where she got her education.
ROFLMAO!!!!!!  That's seriously the funniest thing I've seen in a long time!!

Gary
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Larry Renger on February 25, 2019, 07:30:35 PM
Donut seeds? No wonder my tummy is so big, they must be growing!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 26, 2019, 12:03:57 PM
I take it you are not a progressive. LL~ LL~ LL~ H^^
   

Does that mean I believe people should work for what they get.  The rich didn't get where they are taking hand outs.  Had a teacher that told us that during the depression they would report to soup station and were handed a broom.  Had to sweep an alley or side walk or pick up trash before they could get a bowl of soup. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on February 26, 2019, 01:33:59 PM
These I laugh and cringe at as I wonder where she got her education.

I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about her, she has no chance of ever winning the Democratic nomination, right now she's to young anyway, so let her have her 15 minutes in a few years she'll be yesterday's news.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on February 26, 2019, 01:53:21 PM
You should read all the CRAP she's troweling out.
Check out the new green deal she's proposing.
Sad truth is, the moron democraps are supporting her, even though she's as dumb as a box of rocks.
And, by the way, the world will end in twelve years.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on February 26, 2019, 05:46:39 PM
She will revise that in 10 years when she reaches puberty.

Ken
LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gerald Arana on February 26, 2019, 07:03:49 PM
   

Does that mean I believe people should work for what they get.  The rich didn't get where they are taking hand outs.  Had a teacher that told us that during the depression they would report to soup station and were handed a broom.  Had to sweep an alley or side walk or pick up trash before they could get a bowl of soup. D>K



That sounds like a damn good idea to me y1

Jerry
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gerald Arana on February 26, 2019, 07:07:22 PM
You should read all the CRAP she's troweling out.
Check out the new green deal she's proposing.
Sad truth is, the moron democraps are supporting her, even though she's as dumb as a box of rocks.
And, by the way, the world will end in twelve years.


You are wrong Robert...................The rocks are twice as smart as she is!  LL~ LL~ LL~

Jerry
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 27, 2019, 09:53:07 AM
Scottish Wedding

At the Scottish Wedding reception the D.J. yelled,  'Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living".

The bartender was almost crushed to death.   D>K

By the way the Earth has been ending for ages.   I think about every generation has had some one set a date.   Only our supreme GOD knows when he put it out of existence. ???
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: wwwarbird on March 10, 2019, 07:55:07 PM
 LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on March 16, 2019, 08:47:29 AM

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." Once again St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, " Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him and hung him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..."

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good." But the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on March 17, 2019, 09:03:56 PM
Sometimes you need to read the fine print. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on March 18, 2019, 07:59:26 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2139157279493370/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on March 18, 2019, 11:16:17 AM
This guy is so far out there.  I wonder how many he has posted in his file as I've yet to reach the end. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on March 18, 2019, 06:14:09 PM
Spring pops up and three little Moles decide to check things out.  The first Mole crawls up the hole and says, "I smell daffodils and the sun on my nose".  Second Mole crawls up , sticks out his nose and says" AH, yes fresh grass and petunias too".  The third little mole crawls up and gets stuck and says, "All I smell is molasses". H^^

As one sheep said to the other, that's just baaaad. And I'm telling it at  work tomorrow.  LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on March 20, 2019, 06:40:57 AM
https://www.facebook.com/groups/405533193130022/
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on March 22, 2019, 11:36:41 AM
Helping democrats. #^ #^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on March 28, 2019, 06:49:44 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2154759021266529/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on March 30, 2019, 03:13:57 PM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2019/03/30?fbclid=IwAR2qqAWnvSWOALuAATeAaPf2eTnbEQ3hgbnNbqXNybqkin6IdyIWa4sX5m0
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on April 03, 2019, 05:29:28 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2019/04/03?fbclid=IwAR3kN3nrP3AlCTu497v4GCVsImIp0u_g2M5Y0AGF79eJ7Evl3DGYXO5H1pY
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on April 10, 2019, 05:51:30 AM
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.gocomics.com%2Fspectickles%2F2019%2F04%2F10%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR0Wmqv-f5dN2MgmuaWHsaQeyNNHOq8iOx9yOdmY9czSenh--8LtTg4Ij_0&h=AT1ezk-L1qglyotqPQ6S0aTLfXmFiQ5Huqrd2SXFaSDPwPDnZvvIczG-oQheWEC0vxBdm4M-1rtdxWkV53RWnXKWrRJ5vpBSUR1fvx6BaVQ6SWZ5icvdPZqk013WYolEoWSy1B1KrZsXEg3wLr1sQPz-h6r-t8kPdB92CLgnmFA5MbwdYJ3qUHsPTylIj5iINw4cJXH2W2FAwaa11gwzACW7vxNXVaEbmlPZXJ0DV_oN28S9c9b_tyRk3rIxHFsQwAq7sw_daD1UE2zTIZu3uPdjwMicRgkXrIldLu_AAELVJLdS6I9WObCO_PtL87cJ6DaB8RTiNHHBcsSRkjQ9q_YEAflU0p55-QBLiEr8llLBC3h_hVJQePJSlvzozOSqA1O7-H8wFRP2WMhx1JzKew7zxRiZ-her4go0hfQW9Lca5T9B7ab6XtY8RnQQ5CxvssGn95Dna9uGNlgfOgJqXj4AWJWo7YO54LD4tpJb6WWT3aFXHldibzgA2tZ7y9I68yscThXjT-LH1SlioTENovGnt5VDxPeLNiYWgkcHuIjRFDKPk9iZp6ci4QpzaY2lDnUob7qxITsOlcdh5Yx2pwKqJdJA5XbQk5NHiyQSx5DveWvu64D9YKEDljnQCTmFufYgHIKkH0nEcUKOkkl7rei4iVvFAMDt8MIZWmtkl3stmDgf
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on April 10, 2019, 06:56:22 PM
(http://www.bluebird-electric.net/blueplanet_ecostar/blueplanet_images/Cannonball-Baker-Indian-Motorcycle-Border-US-Mexico.jpg)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on April 11, 2019, 12:31:59 PM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2174319035977194/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Larry Renger on April 13, 2019, 06:39:12 PM
Grogg's wife tells him when he comes back to the cave from hunting that a Saber Tooth Tiger just invaded her mother's cave and what can he do?
His answer is " Who cares what happens to a Saber Tooth Tiger?"
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on April 14, 2019, 03:12:37 AM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on April 14, 2019, 10:23:23 PM
(https://pp.userapi.com/c851436/v851436506/fc0ce/hBVxt8wwK8Y.jpg)

Typical of the 50s pommy brat aeromodellor cartoons , i thought .
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on April 28, 2019, 05:03:58 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2200889363320161/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on May 01, 2019, 10:14:37 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/4f/93/33/4f93339318b4247aeb3168f52ecf4335.jpg)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on May 03, 2019, 05:29:02 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2208542009221563/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on May 10, 2019, 06:22:25 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2220851841323913/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Clint Ormosen on May 13, 2019, 03:50:10 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on May 14, 2019, 02:08:09 AM
.
No kidding, right???
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on June 04, 2019, 04:25:34 PM
Gee, I failed my job interview.
WHY can't I get a job?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on June 04, 2019, 04:32:40 PM
Here's a real joke.
A true statement made by this liberal lesbian LOSER.
And, she gets paid SEVEN MILLION dollars a year.

Look at the photo and check out the youtube video.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3teYvgMsNXk

ps - I'm waiting for the liberals on this site to defend her!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on June 05, 2019, 05:57:45 AM
Here's a real joke.
A true statement made by this liberal lesbian LOSER.
And, she gets paid SEVEN MILLION dollars a year.

Look at the photo and check out the youtube video.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3teYvgMsNXk

ps - I'm waiting for the liberals  on this site to defend her!

I'm pretty tolerant and it takes a lot to get my dander up, but I'll thank you not to use this kind of language on my threads in the future. I don't care how out there she is (and she is) that kind of language is unacceptable. Thanks and peace out.   

Ps. That video is 3 years old.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Clint Ormosen on June 05, 2019, 05:48:15 PM

Ps. That video is 3 years old.


Yes it is, but it never get old.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on June 17, 2019, 08:06:58 AM
https://www.facebook.com/HERMANcomics/photos/a.325873394147016/2483283005072700/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Clint Ormosen on June 17, 2019, 11:06:37 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Clint Ormosen on June 17, 2019, 11:11:06 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on June 21, 2019, 04:27:42 AM
Trump former secret life revealed .

(https://proxy.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.breitbart.com%2Fmedia%2F2018%2F02%2Fdonald-trump-smile-1-18-getty-640x480.jpg&f=1)




(http://orig11.deviantart.net/5c6d/f/2012/319/a/6/hero_of_our_nation_by_mightyfilm-d5l367z.jpg)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on June 21, 2019, 11:18:57 AM
https://www.facebook.com/HERMANcomics/photos/a.325873394147016/2492386344162366/?type=3&eid=ARAvJxEmTOv4XoekXsBh-eiF-eH8cYRbDkFVzxTSvqOoT4ToH3P0_Uqz_YjMbjlLh8_uGUV-rQceA5Pm&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARBSGK8IGci2qspYobQ5HOSX5Jp3iTPfxUDywmu-B5-IZosDvmySO7V2wZfGE2Ji42Su7yovk3huYnrWfhjdK6xmgiA655v-x2d6Yk_Hjc8TvmiWo95CuxoV-O9uG5f75GglaobDW9HU_MriemnzBPXZIi6WCeSGYdrKR3xCGm_W6Kf07rTfFx9gDfPmNlfYIHiGdl06kAX7iT1Mle3oe67QgSbbbctm3UHBMgiVZxzS4SeT7llTMQ9F2lGjDrgO3ZSmafpCO2_iUoJldxLxrMSECRDV_4q-wFubDunOXYiU0HBRjKFcbhusiC9MTnm6P0zqHtYxfhd57N-p0Hc7qu5I9vIGQpB_czDw6qmsOHyvhmk33XDIzRv-&__tn__=EEHH-R
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 02, 2019, 05:39:49 AM
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.gocomics.com%2Fspectickles%2F2019%2F07%2F02%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR3Zn-CJga-HUr_UBuEGS_PDyx0vyUnXuZkGyTi4x9s9hxj4IxluqJepy0w&h=AT1srDu-QaJiN4a0TQ330iKixPP3i_OcxdIQ-QwJmD_VH-wOAAULQJ0y-qnrt-e4H_iG9XO-Wqvr7s7y8vbQJgKe3JN1SoQdsNmH7L3NXNO7NFb-0ZLylIuWrOM7Sz5_7VeDH_k9T8OwMBSqs4vdXor_FjCvOw4vUe5GG4vrQ6xMRruj44ZUHnrPW8GC0B64OB9QhR1axBkQ1gG8gTn_Dwuva_7sAOlMiJ20zxQzpY-nxSCM8EDDC-ritaMQ2TrfS2RxV7D73kseln0GXDF-d9RSVZN-ooFTEOJ6tu2aEJq7LKn739fUL-n_Yds0L6bcj449v8MJuREq268sltI7u1-mYtNFam-uVjUQYV0yTO2d7YrCsWEAY9bAVI2dzsdW0fhQbegBdfK9gTPrEBxjt6hAVO7VGCaXQeSKo7ZHCp4kLqP987BvnRF1UIR4ksf575R0mJG3UFLKQelymrs9qiSU-gGnRgIJuFQT6KsBlB8NMDUKaDgVJodmcZnf7G1cQXrLE8sSGaGK9ZyGphpLakS0SHBo1pGSjhCgmg37ns04YgzWErn57hOPa7BPQEftXLmwqrLZk6I0pbvaT-_dSARmnDLjKXteSeLyI5oT06exHya9U9qn2DCK0xbst_MDIOIZ-Kx1bURLi0yPedeOlOXrTu5vrvLdVCQ2tO9e0D_X
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on July 02, 2019, 06:21:40 AM
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.gocomics.com%2Fspectickles%2F2019%2F07%2F02%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR3Zn-CJga-HUr_UBuEGS_PDyx0vyUnXuZkGyTi4x9s9hxj4IxluqJepy0w&h=AT1srDu-QaJiN4a0TQ330iKixPP3i_OcxdIQ-QwJmD_VH-wOAAULQJ0y-qnrt-e4H_iG9XO-Wqvr7s7y8vbQJgKe3JN1SoQdsNmH7L3NXNO7NFb-0ZLylIuWrOM7Sz5_7VeDH_k9T8OwMBSqs4vdXor_FjCvOw4vUe5GG4vrQ6xMRruj44ZUHnrPW8GC0B64OB9QhR1axBkQ1gG8gTn_Dwuva_7sAOlMiJ20zxQzpY-nxSCM8EDDC-ritaMQ2TrfS2RxV7D73kseln0GXDF-d9RSVZN-ooFTEOJ6tu2aEJq7LKn739fUL-n_Yds0L6bcj449v8MJuREq268sltI7u1-mYtNFam-uVjUQYV0yTO2d7YrCsWEAY9bAVI2dzsdW0fhQbegBdfK9gTPrEBxjt6hAVO7VGCaXQeSKo7ZHCp4kLqP987BvnRF1UIR4ksf575R0mJG3UFLKQelymrs9qiSU-gGnRgIJuFQT6KsBlB8NMDUKaDgVJodmcZnf7G1cQXrLE8sSGaGK9ZyGphpLakS0SHBo1pGSjhCgmg37ns04YgzWErn57hOPa7BPQEftXLmwqrLZk6I0pbvaT-_dSARmnDLjKXteSeLyI5oT06exHya9U9qn2DCK0xbst_MDIOIZ-Kx1bURLi0yPedeOlOXrTu5vrvLdVCQ2tO9e0D_X

Thanks for Specktickles I read it daily now.    LL~  y1
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 09, 2019, 05:37:47 AM
A drunk staggers up to a parking meter, puts in a coin and "60" pops up. He says "Wow I've lost a hundred pounds.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 22, 2019, 05:48:32 PM
Here it is Mike.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 22, 2019, 05:51:32 PM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2019/07/22?ct=v&cti=1951417&fbclid=IwAR30NVn9T_d0mZGPZeV9QjXLyCAel74ASMUGLJ0M8dow1MQumMLgjsQxE-k
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on July 24, 2019, 05:21:57 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2019/07/24?fbclid=IwAR3Fv0ToM_qq26IzaBOPIKe5pRaflBBqL4yqEZofMAPCNy-lbg7yTbK5sOg
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on July 27, 2019, 11:09:51 AM
Aging. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on August 04, 2019, 05:56:48 AM
TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS ALONG!!!
 
A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?"
 
"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.
 
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story".
 
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
 
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
 
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.
 
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
 
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
 
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.
 
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.
 
"Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story?"
 
"No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat".
 
I bet you didn't see that one coming.
 
 

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on August 05, 2019, 12:55:21 PM
LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~

I wish you guy's could see how the political hate in your Country is  tearing your Country apart, no kidding this is an honest observation from a outsider looking in, Both sides a ripping your Country apart not just Dems, both sides. Now please can we keep the politics off my thread.
Thank you. 
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on August 05, 2019, 04:38:06 PM
OK, Dwayne - I will respect your wish.
No more politics.
Bob Z.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on August 05, 2019, 07:18:43 PM
Thanks Bob, and now back to our regular programming.

-What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office.
-I can sure see you're nuts.  LL~

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on August 08, 2019, 09:05:58 AM
Wake up!!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on August 08, 2019, 09:07:01 AM
Eating.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: BYU on August 08, 2019, 08:53:42 PM
.https://stunthanger.com/smf/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=50649.0;attach=299956;image

Genius, so damned funny
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: FLOYD CARTER on August 09, 2019, 12:23:38 PM
I have an average sense of humor.  I like a good joke as much as the next person.

What I do not like is a "joke" at the expense of our elected leaders, whether they be Democrat or Republican (or ??)

\Save the political jabs for Facebook, or the other unrestricted sites.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on August 13, 2019, 05:07:34 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2019/08/13?fbclid=IwAR0RpY00T0I7iq8rAwDUe6QL_vSQfGIVUg5g6xLnig4JLt1FptRUOq0wqMs
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on August 15, 2019, 05:23:22 AM
...
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on August 21, 2019, 08:23:11 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_8HcuYVWcc

comment " The lazy piggy should have got off his fat bum at the start.  Even waddling, he would have caught the senile old fart faster. " .
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 09, 2019, 03:36:15 PM
I ordered a vodka at the bar and the person there said "this is McDonalds" I replied OK give me a McVodka then.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 09, 2019, 03:45:00 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6E1H82DqHE
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on October 10, 2019, 09:09:22 AM
LOVE me some Red GREEN
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 10, 2019, 09:48:46 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWpYQjuJ0u0
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on October 10, 2019, 10:09:23 AM
May not belong here, but very few people go to the section I usually post on. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Kraft on October 10, 2019, 11:52:34 AM
Good one Doc. Reminds me how we get in trouble. I had the right to remain silent, I just didn't have the ability.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 23, 2019, 05:18:04 AM
https://www.facebook.com/HERMANcomics/photos/pcb.2736513089749689/2736498596417805/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 23, 2019, 05:19:35 AM
https://www.abbottcartoons.com/cartoon-blast/spectickles-4-oclock-cartoon4672793?fbclid=IwAR3oHgcsz61uTJ8RYduB-kdlzYbGdcCmsBTfYEy3DqoUJnpLRrxQvBGF2bA
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on October 23, 2019, 10:02:13 AM
Q: What do you call a security guard outside a Samsung store?
A: Guardian of the Galaxy.

Q: Where do skunks sit in Church?
A: In a pew of course.

 LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 25, 2019, 05:28:18 AM
https://www.abbottcartoons.com/cartoon-blast/spectickles-8-oclock-evening-cartoon1388892?fbclid=IwAR2Xu__WVt5UVchwnu6DtxC9f_ncEiLxPnqHV7zw15VJUe47El9h5TYympo
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 26, 2019, 05:37:07 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2528294187246342/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on October 29, 2019, 12:28:48 PM
Hard to beat a good Red Green skit. Here's a really good one!  y1 Steve

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=208&v=228jlbgFsf0










Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on October 31, 2019, 05:50:43 AM
https://www.abbottcartoons.com/cartoon-blast/spectickles-8-oclock-evening-cartoon8600393?fbclid=IwAR1U08t4RwvlUI62Cl1vEKrk-7nbqyLCefbpNuXDs_mMLXlbe2O9TvB5b5I
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 05, 2019, 05:24:05 AM
https://www.abbottcartoons.com/cartoon-blast/spectickles-noon-cartoon2388294?fbclid=IwAR2QpP0cQ3Ir4sT2UC-dmtUUTHPP1mfdxaN4oB0kIVivYzOBGwlggv4wWYM
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on November 06, 2019, 06:08:36 AM
lol
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: BillP on November 06, 2019, 08:33:01 AM
Why did the fiancee eat her engagement ring?  Because she thought carats were good for her health. Hahahaha.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 14, 2019, 05:00:48 AM
https://www.abbottcartoons.com/cartoon-blast/spectickles-4-oclock-cartoon7392629?fbclid=IwAR1xcD22O7nWJ70rO1al7K6Lnedc3FtXz30cwrGaM4NQlKhDbhQtmZKmHTg
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on November 15, 2019, 10:51:00 AM
Now we are back to regulat time.  I wish they would leave it alone.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 17, 2019, 05:27:42 AM
https://www.abbottcartoons.com/cartoon-blast/spectickles-8-oclock-evening-cartoon2398711?fbclid=IwAR0HZWeFbF-rE91JVSzjtaLX1ohajmdPkXttVChJjtE_jgoMXc6bmOaO6sQ
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 21, 2019, 05:29:08 AM
https://www.abbottcartoons.com/cartoon-blast/spectickles-4-oclock-cartoon5086956?fbclid=IwAR0s9eDC4YCbW0j2Te6lzFQSPpc3pNsny7B6izfyh7jTJXVsaeoq_OqVj3I
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 23, 2019, 05:44:52 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeI2xxaJ-hY
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 24, 2019, 10:27:46 AM
https://www.facebook.com/billabbottcartoons/photos/a.290135144395602/2591233840952376/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on November 24, 2019, 03:46:08 PM
I wonder why the Morman Church won't except her?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: RC Storick on November 24, 2019, 06:54:09 PM
Now we are back to regulat time.  I wish they would leave it alone.

https://youtu.be/aJnPseMneDU
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on November 26, 2019, 06:09:08 PM
The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

Democratic Senators are considering introducing legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills and ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember “righty tighty, lefty loosey”. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”


This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Maxine Waters, Elizabeth Warren & Nancy Pelosi.......all Americans With No Abilities whatsoever!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on November 27, 2019, 08:58:57 AM
DAMMIT BOB.....BEST BELLY LAUGH TODAY!!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on November 27, 2019, 11:31:52 PM
******************************************************************************
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on November 28, 2019, 01:54:22 PM
This is just as received. It may offend the fractional Irish side of my family, but they're all dead, so...   LL~ Steve

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses £500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?'

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost £500, and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..

'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on November 29, 2019, 12:32:54 PM
I had the displeasure of watching the tv show "Treasure of Oak Island" over the Thanksgiving holiday. Nothing else to do. They finally found the treasure box. It was down 300 feet with all kinds of traps and flood tunnels with "14th century" (every thing they find is labeled 14th century) railroad spikes, carved stones and coconut logs with a Yellawood tag. They had a grand opening at their "war room" at the end of the show. One of the brothers opened the chest and took out a piece of paper. It was Obama's birth certificate. Watch for it on EBAY.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Elwyn Aud on November 29, 2019, 01:57:25 PM
Pretty funny. I watched a couple of the early episodes of the Oak Island treasure hunt but now I figure if they actually discover something major you'll see it make big news and not just some little news snippet to fill up space on somebody's website.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on November 29, 2019, 04:42:47 PM
"Do not inflate"... Well I thought it was funny.

TTFN
John

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on December 01, 2019, 04:47:01 AM
https://www.facebook.com/shoecomics/photos/a.10150351995199220/10157573563999220/?type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on December 01, 2019, 06:50:47 AM
I had the displeasure of watching the tv show "Treasure of Oak Island" over the Thanksgiving holiday. Nothing else to do. They finally found the treasure box. It was down 300 feet with all kinds of traps and flood tunnels with "14th century" (every thing they find is labeled 14th century) railroad spikes, carved stones and coconut logs with a Yellawood tag. They had a grand opening at their "war room" at the end of the show. One of the brothers opened the chest and took out a piece of paper. It was Obama's birth certificate. Watch for it on EBAY.

 y1 <= ~> n~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on December 10, 2019, 07:53:09 PM
" The Government is currently meeting it's Carbon emission Standards "  1:45 p.m. , 11 Dec. Katoomba .  :-[

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 10, 2019, 09:21:51 PM
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?  ;D  #^  y1



Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on December 11, 2019, 03:36:31 PM
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?  ;D  #^  y1
Astrohoof!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on December 11, 2019, 08:33:57 PM
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?  ;D  #^  y1
I  know, but I won't say it, I'll just say tis the season.  LL~

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Berry on December 11, 2019, 10:08:00 PM
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?  ;D  #^  y1

Missile Toe
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 21, 2019, 06:10:49 AM
Best divorce letter EVER!!!

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9HtOURNAGo

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 21, 2019, 06:22:32 AM
Funny bumper stickers!

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqUtAkGA8Ow

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 04, 2020, 05:23:11 AM
https://www.facebook.com/FrostHeaves/videos/464627354236326/
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 05, 2020, 07:03:58 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4i62RnsIQHM&fbclid=IwAR2dAOP1_KWwLuogAsGiQK-LIdYd9Rz-UYVliJBATv8FOplNsVZ7dw1gIWI

It's about a town in Newfoundland/Labrador, Canada. Several towns in the U.S. with the same name.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Andre Ming on January 05, 2020, 10:35:38 AM

Well, now that the town of Dildo has been put on the international map, they can pretty much kiss their previous way of life good bye.

Perhaps the fad will pass... but it will have its impact.

I like living in Nowhere, OK and don't ever want it to become internationally renown for anything.

Andre
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Carter on January 05, 2020, 01:13:00 PM
Well, now that the town of Dildo has been put on the international map, they can pretty much kiss their previous way of life good bye.

Perhaps the fad will pass... but it will have its impact.

I like living in Nowhere, OK and don't ever want it to become internationally renown for anything.

Andre

Personally, I like INTERCOURSE … in Pennsylvannia!!   %^@ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 05, 2020, 04:01:33 PM
 
 "Personally, I like INTERCOURSE … in Pennsylvania!!"

  And, don't forget Blue Ball, PA!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 05, 2020, 04:02:56 PM
Some cartoon humor!

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 05, 2020, 04:05:24 PM
And, some more!!

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 05, 2020, 04:06:49 PM
Still coming!

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 05, 2020, 06:08:12 PM
Money can't buy navigational skills!!   LL~  LL~  LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 07, 2020, 06:15:16 PM
Think you've seen it all?
Check this out.

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 10, 2020, 10:34:10 AM
https://www.facebook.com/raystevensmusic1707/videos/2567087533370769/?v=421356798772110
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: bob whitney on January 10, 2020, 01:34:25 PM
Money can't buy navigational skills!!   LL~  LL~  LL~

who said Stupid doesn't hurt
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 12, 2020, 07:45:52 AM
The night before,college style.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne on January 12, 2020, 08:21:41 AM
https://www.facebook.com/raystevensmusic1707/videos/2567087533370769/?v=421356798772110

 LL~ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 13, 2020, 12:17:55 PM
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10163138962085554&set=a.381415505553&type=3&theater
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 31, 2020, 10:59:48 AM
A good one!!!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on February 09, 2020, 10:43:55 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjdhM_-WUdE   

Dangerous Hicks from the old Speed channel.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on February 09, 2020, 05:12:11 PM
Can't remember if I posted these before but just the same, ENJOY!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on February 09, 2020, 05:16:13 PM
ENJOY!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on February 09, 2020, 05:18:18 PM
Still more.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on February 14, 2020, 05:55:37 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEs7sGzSzv0

Dangerous Hicks doing something new. Bluegrass or blue/blackgrass.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 15, 2020, 03:28:00 PM
Uncle Fester.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 15, 2020, 03:29:01 PM
Latest chainsaw.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Peter Grabenstein on February 15, 2020, 08:56:25 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Uku2QueJmk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WhIyW38zEw

 H^^
Peter
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 16, 2020, 06:28:48 PM
Will keep comments to myself. HB~>
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gerald Arana on February 16, 2020, 06:47:35 PM
Uncle Fester.

 LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~

Good one Doc!

Jerry
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on February 25, 2020, 05:19:53 PM
Priority!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on March 10, 2020, 08:02:08 AM
Subject: A funny one

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Officer: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.
Officer: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think Never really noticed.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?
Husband : A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4, with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and
off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.

OFFICER : Take it easy sir, we'll find your Truck!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on March 11, 2020, 10:40:59 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEs7sGzSzv0

Dangerous Hicks doing something new. Bluegrass or blue/blackgrass.

The song was funny enough, but why were those ol' boys playing three different tunes? That was awful!  y1 Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on March 12, 2020, 08:38:18 AM
And yes Virginia...they are legion....and they breed.....be very very afraid.....
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Jim Carter on March 19, 2020, 04:02:37 PM
The song was funny enough, but why were those ol' boys playing three different tunes? That was awful!  y1 Steve
I too thought it was funny and challenging for them to be able to do just that!  I liked it … but then I have a weird sense humor anyway!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: RC Storick on March 20, 2020, 10:00:18 AM
Old joe


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on March 20, 2020, 02:02:34 PM
Near Miss
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on March 22, 2020, 09:57:26 AM
Clothes ???
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on March 22, 2020, 10:09:38 AM
Party. #^ #^ #^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on March 23, 2020, 06:05:20 PM
A few more good ones!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: 11290 on March 24, 2020, 11:30:06 AM
As seen online:
I told my wife that I'd be working from home for the foreseeable future. To make things simple I told her to just pretend I wasn't at home and do her usual routine. Why am I seeing strange men coming to my home every hour?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on March 29, 2020, 08:04:43 AM
Sign of the times.....
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on March 29, 2020, 03:24:46 PM
This might be funny if it wasn't for todays generation that think the virus is a hoax. S?P
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on March 29, 2020, 03:28:57 PM
Another that was sent to me. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Ken Culbertson on April 01, 2020, 08:49:37 AM
Just curious - do CA fumes kill the virus?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on April 03, 2020, 04:10:02 PM
Enjoy a few!!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on April 03, 2020, 04:12:38 PM
Some more!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on April 03, 2020, 04:15:43 PM
They keep coming!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on April 08, 2020, 08:47:35 AM
http
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on April 10, 2020, 01:39:38 PM
Grandma and grandma are going out for a walk when grandma asks, "Joe do you think I should wear a bra?"
To which Joe replied " You probably should it rained and it's quite muddy out"  LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on April 10, 2020, 04:39:02 PM
 n~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on April 11, 2020, 08:07:02 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2020/04/11?ct=v&cti=1867520
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on April 11, 2020, 08:10:59 AM
 <=
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on April 14, 2020, 03:11:37 AM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on April 25, 2020, 06:13:05 AM
 n~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on April 29, 2020, 08:19:32 AM

Francis was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young pullets, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot to be replaced by a younger, more vigorous bird.
This took a lot of time, so he bought small bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different jingle, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
He could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells, "Real scientific," Francis was heard to say.
Francis's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but his bell was not ringing!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, ringing their bells, but the pullets, on hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Francis's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Francis was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation with the judges.
The judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
The moral of the story is: Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on April 29, 2020, 08:24:03 AM
I thought the chicken joke would be a spin off of this old joke.
 There was an old bull and a young bull on a rise looking over the herd of cows. The young bull said to the old bull "lets run down there and screw one of the cows". The old bull replied "lets walk down there and screw them all".
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on May 06, 2020, 08:52:53 AM
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?😂😂

DONALD TRUMP: I’ve been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not-cross-the-road... with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

ANDREW CUOMO: to get a job as an essential worker.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

KING DAVID: O Lord, why dost the chicken cross the road? And why art the chicken hawks beset around it? Surely in vain the road is crossed in the sight of any predator.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

WILLY WONKA: to find out where all the bad eggs go.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road...and this is twenty twenty.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2020, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.Also, I made sure that each chicken has been vaccinated for Covid19. No chicken can cross the road until we have a mass vaccination of all the chickens of the world.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Ken Culbertson on May 06, 2020, 11:28:43 AM
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?😂😂
LL~ LL~  Good one!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Peter Nevai on May 06, 2020, 03:14:42 PM
For a pretty select audience.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Ken Culbertson on May 06, 2020, 03:25:07 PM
For a pretty select audience.
Kid at Best Buy tried to convince me that a VGA to HDMI adapter is the same as a HDMI to VGA.  You just turn it around.

Ken
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on May 19, 2020, 05:28:49 AM
https://www.facebook.com/FrostHeaves/videos/1502295803265883
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on May 19, 2020, 03:25:16 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GERALD WIMMER on May 20, 2020, 02:56:31 PM
Hello
Pigs fly.....
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GERALD WIMMER on May 22, 2020, 04:43:01 AM
Model engine quiz.  Which of the following is not a model engine?

A. McCoy .19

B. Fox .19

C. K&B .19

D. Covid 19

E. None of the above.

F. All of the above.

I hope when they bring out the Covid 21 next year a McCoy 19 can beat it!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on May 29, 2020, 09:34:10 AM
A few laughs!!   #^  #^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on May 29, 2020, 09:35:44 AM
Six More!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on June 05, 2020, 11:25:40 AM
To me this is funny.  Nobody remembers it.
Title: Lost My Job Today
Post by: Peter Nevai on June 05, 2020, 03:39:43 PM
Some days it just pays not to get out of bed.
Title: Lost My Job Too !
Post by: AirClassix on June 05, 2020, 04:03:22 PM
Dennis
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on June 07, 2020, 01:59:05 PM
Some laughs!!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on June 13, 2020, 07:19:15 PM
This is GREAT!!!
Especially for the assholes who favor elimination/defunding of police.

  http://twitter.com/Destiny36501/status/1271555601466904576
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on June 13, 2020, 10:32:56 PM
“Coming soon to a 911 call near you!”  That was FUNNY!!!

Gary
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Fredvon4 on June 14, 2020, 07:23:29 AM
Bob I get it.....but......that really is more disturbing than funny.....The capitol of Texas, Austin, city council voted to defund police......Texas!!!

Ant they said if we got concealed guns Texas would be like wild wild west.......seems to me the left is hustling that potential reality along
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on June 14, 2020, 02:02:08 PM
Waiting for vigilantes to start forming again.  Hope hard ware stores have enough rope. S?P
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on June 15, 2020, 10:20:24 PM
Bob I get it.....but......that really is more disturbing than funny.....The capitol of Texas, Austin, city council voted to defund police......Texas!!!

Ant they said if we got concealed guns Texas would be like wild wild west.......seems to me the left is hustling that potential reality along
Fred, the anti gun crowds have said this for years. In the 80’s when Florida legalized concealed carry I recall the news stories proclaiming that Miami was going to become the OK Corral.

It never happens the way the left says, and it doesn’t matter what the subject matter is, they just don’t understand reality.

Arm the people and crime always declines. The criminal does not fear the law, they do not fear the police and they do not fear the courts, so they must be taught to fear you. Only the uncertainty of not knowing if the homeowner on the other side of the door is armed, and if entry will seriously jeopardize their life, will ever truly keep them at
bay.

Gary
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on June 16, 2020, 06:11:34 AM
https://www.facebook.com/HERMANcomics/photos/a.325873394147016/3132907960110198/
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Andre Ming on June 16, 2020, 11:44:18 AM
Quote
It never happens the way the left says, and it doesn’t matter what the subject matter is, they just don’t understand reality.

True, that.

Andre
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on June 18, 2020, 07:29:02 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2020/06/18?ct=v&cti=1867520
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on June 18, 2020, 10:19:44 AM
Fred, the anti gun crowds have said this for years. In the 80’s when Florida legalized concealed carry I recall the news stories proclaiming that Miami was going to become the OK Corral.

It never happens the way the left says, and it doesn’t matter what the subject matter is, they just don’t understand reality.

Arm the people and crime always declines. The criminal does not fear the law, they do not fear the police and they do not fear the courts, so they must be taught to fear you. Only the uncertainty of not knowing if the homeowner on the other side of the door is armed, and if entry will seriously jeopardize their life, will ever truly keep them at
bay.

Gary
So true about not knowing if the intended victim is armed or not.   I remember a story of a young girl home alone when a couple of thugs started to break into the house.  She ran up stairs to where her dad kept the shot guns and were loaded.  Yes she was trained on the use of them.  When she got the guns and to the top of the stairs the thugs had broke in.  One stated up the stairs and was immediately shot.  The second one made it back to the front door when the second shot was made.  Then she called the local sheriff as this was out in the country.  Naturally the defense lawyers wanted her tried for attempted murder as the one in the house was dead and the other was out side with his legs mangled up from the shot.   Some how her Dad got a good lawyer and got her cleared of all charges.  The thug that lost the use of his legs got a couple of years for attempted robbery/break in.  But, I want to see what these idiots are going to do when they need a police man and the officers say you are on your own for not supporting us.  But, I guess the defense lawyers have to make a living making the police look bad when a person dies while resisting arrest.   I think they must be guilty if they don't want to be arrested.  How many policemen have to die before the public wakes up to the fact they are trying to do their job. S?P
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on June 23, 2020, 03:47:55 AM
(https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/BCwAAOSwaC9aWmWT/s-l1600.jpg)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on June 23, 2020, 03:53:34 AM
FREEDOM OF THE PRESS ! .

The media can be turds, too.

You might notice the reporter was assulting the fisherman with his presence, and helicopter . Not to mention disturbing the fish. !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyNt7C1TGPE
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on June 29, 2020, 04:39:38 PM
If women are so good at multitasking how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on June 30, 2020, 10:55:35 AM
If women are so good at multitasking how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

Now that's a good question.  n~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on June 30, 2020, 06:32:28 PM
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? ‘
The guy replies, ‘I’m Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston .’
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.’ The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it’s the priest’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, ‘I am Father David, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.
‘Just a minute,’ says the good father. ‘That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?
‘Up here – we go by results,’ says Saint Peter. ‘When you preached – people slept. When he flew, people prayed.’
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on June 30, 2020, 06:38:07 PM
A man visits a friend and in the driveway he sees friend’s car that’s all dented, covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.

He asks his friend, “What’s happened to your car?”

“Well,” the friend responses, “I ran into my ex-wife’s divorce lawyer.”

“OK,” says the man, “that explains the blood… But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?”

“Well, I had to chase him all through the park.”
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on June 30, 2020, 06:42:14 PM
Arriving In Heaven All arrivals in heaven have to go through an examination to determine if admission will be granted.

One room has a clerk who inputs records of what each applicant did on their last day of life.The first day’s applicant explains that his last day was not good.

"I came home early and found my wife naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and the shower was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.

I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips.

I was angry and bashed his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by an awning. Seeing him still alive, I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.

At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.”

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.

The second applicant said that his last day you was his worst. "I was on an apartment building roof working on AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment, but some idiot came rushing out and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell, but landed on an awning and survived. But, as I looked up, I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I was hit and killed by the chest.”

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. The clerk apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you.”

"I don't know" replies the man. "Picture this, I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest . . .
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on June 30, 2020, 06:43:44 PM
An angry wife calls her husband who is late for dinner and yells to the phone, “Where the hell are you?”

Husband replies, “Darling, you remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn’t have money that time, and I said ‘Baby it’ll be yours one day’?”

Wife, with a smile and blushing, replies sweetly, “Yeah I remember that my love!”

Husband says, “I’m in the pub just next to that shop.”
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on July 04, 2020, 11:33:33 AM
So true!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Will Hinton on July 04, 2020, 06:44:19 PM
Bob, THAT is the classic of the century! LL~ LL~ LL~ H^^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on July 26, 2020, 09:35:36 PM
Police profiling?

Bottom line did not come up on picture.  The bear is asking if he would be stopped if he was a Polar Bear?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on August 14, 2020, 09:27:00 AM
Some GREAT PUNS!!!!!

1. The meaning of opaque is unclear.
2. I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.
3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.
4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!
5. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.
7. It’s a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
8. It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
9. So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘apocalypse?' It’s not the end of the world.
10. Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
12. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16. Did you know they won’t be making yardsticks any longer?
17. I used to be allergic to soap but I’m clean now.
18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.
20. Do you have weight-loss mantras? Fat chants!
21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.
22. What is a thesaurus’s favorite dessert? Synonym buns.
23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.


Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Gary Dowler on August 14, 2020, 07:32:20 PM
Know why dinosaurs were so dangerous?

All the T-Rex’s carried small arms......

Gary
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on August 15, 2020, 03:41:26 PM
A good one!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on August 15, 2020, 03:44:49 PM
MORE!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on September 05, 2020, 08:10:55 AM
https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts-begins/2020/09/05?ct=v&cti=1867520
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Hay on September 05, 2020, 10:15:48 AM
I came across this 50 years ago.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dan Hay on September 05, 2020, 11:39:37 AM
Again, from 50 years ago
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on September 05, 2020, 05:30:54 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: kevin king on September 22, 2020, 01:02:20 PM
https://youtu.be/D-UmfqFjpl0
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on September 22, 2020, 01:38:37 PM
Please, God, hold off on the Comet and Alien Attack!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on September 22, 2020, 03:07:14 PM


"Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish",  "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year's submissions:   

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered

He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on September 24, 2020, 05:49:34 AM
https://www.facebook.com/FrostHeaves/videos/328029841784708
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on September 24, 2020, 09:20:37 AM
A few good ones!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on October 04, 2020, 08:08:10 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aww4HT5g7ig
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on October 23, 2020, 09:47:33 AM
OUCH!!!!!

A little beer and some philosophic musings

I mowed the lawn today,

 and after doing so I sat down and had a couple of nice cold beers.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some

 deep thinking on various topics. Finally, I thought about an

age old question: is giving birth more painful than

 getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful

 than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer,

and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer

 to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than

 having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,

 "it might be nice to have another child."

 On the other hand, you never hear a guy say,

"You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.

 

 

 
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on October 23, 2020, 09:51:32 AM
A few good laughs!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: FLOYD CARTER on October 23, 2020, 11:21:31 AM
Puns are Fun!  More suitable for the Humor Section than cheap shots at politicians
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on October 23, 2020, 12:20:30 PM
This  cracks me up!
Title: Re: MUD
Post by: john e. holliday on November 01, 2020, 08:02:07 PM
As it says. H^^
Title: ME 2
Post by: john e. holliday on November 01, 2020, 08:04:51 PM
And some times during the night.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on November 02, 2020, 06:36:18 AM
This  cracks me up!

 LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on November 05, 2020, 03:41:56 PM
"Life After Quarantine" video on YT.   LL~  Steve   


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FG6Y7U_XkE

Edit: IDK how the video got changed to that Buddy Hackett duck joke, but the "Life After Quarantine" was there originally.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on November 05, 2020, 03:52:53 PM
The cartoon video made me laugh.  I've lost some weight because I didn't lock my self in the house.  When my body let me I went flying,  mowed the yard and tried to stay active even going to daughters place so we could have Church on line plus have dinner together D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: FLOYD CARTER on November 05, 2020, 06:18:41 PM
I've copied all the "puns".  Now I'll memorize a few to pull out whenever the time is right.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Air Ministry . on November 05, 2020, 10:29:47 PM
An extreme modification of the collapsible Kolesnikov model without finishing for a 9.5 cube bushing motor.
At that time, the model combined such innovations as a fuselage molded in a matrix and boots (classic sandwich fiberglass balsa fiberglass), along with an all-balsa stabilizer and flaps pulled by a Japanese woman, otherwise everything was according to the classics of inlaid models, wing and fuselage connectors like Salenek.

Im sure theyll work very well . S?P

(http://images.vfl.ru/ii/1585451029/b650a816/30035220_m.jpg)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDmuJ1zVDjY&feature=emb_logo



Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on November 17, 2020, 04:40:18 PM
1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house and told my cat. We laughed a lot.
6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars and keep men at home!
9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
12. Appropriate analogy. "The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” is like saying “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now.”
13. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and asking for money.
14. The spread of COVID-19 is based on 2 things:
o How dense the population is.
o How dense the population is.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Larry Renger on November 17, 2020, 09:24:51 PM
Excellent!  H^^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Ken Culbertson on November 18, 2020, 01:04:19 PM

Good one Steve. mw~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on November 18, 2020, 01:23:40 PM
Matt's post was extremely funny, if you got as far as  "all-balsa stabilizer and flaps pulled by a Japanese woman"...coffee out the nose funny!

I suppose he used Google Translate, which is nearly useless when discussing anything more technical than washing your socks. That's why I don't bother with foreign language modelling websites or FB pages. I would be interested in seeing pictures of this "Japanese woman", unless the details are pixilated.    LL~ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Peter Grabenstein on November 20, 2020, 09:23:48 PM
a Pilot´s story and Cinderella or Rindercella ?  ;D  LL~ LL~ LL~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd9aWX517No
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on November 25, 2020, 05:22:20 PM
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 8:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10.  If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you,  just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20.  Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere,  makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people  cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Scott Richlen on November 27, 2020, 03:32:18 PM
I saw a guy walking down the street the other day but he only had one shoe on.

So, I says: "what happened?  Did you lose your shoe?"

He says: " No, I just found this one"
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on December 01, 2020, 10:46:08 AM
Brain
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on December 01, 2020, 10:47:44 AM
Funds
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: afml on December 04, 2020, 09:04:16 AM
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

I hope it makes you feel better. I will never see my angel quite the same ever again.    %^@ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Leidle on December 04, 2020, 09:18:46 AM
  Pretty good Wes, it actually belongs in this section.
  John L.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on December 04, 2020, 10:46:08 AM
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

I hope it makes you feel better. I will never see my angel quite the same ever again.    %^@ LL~

That's awesome.  LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Ken Culbertson on December 04, 2020, 01:03:10 PM
When four of Santa's elves got sick,
LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: kevin king on December 07, 2020, 02:16:43 PM
Hi. Which way to appearance judging?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on December 07, 2020, 02:24:40 PM
Hi. Which way to appearance judging?

Won't ask you to fly the pattern.  But all out just plain flying for fun,  I would give you 20 points. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on December 15, 2020, 11:46:38 AM
A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them to college.  "I feel
it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do
not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it. As
a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I
die."

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial
planner, each successful financially. When their father died and they
saw him in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, the doctor stacked 10 crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the
deceased.

Next, the financial planner placed $1,000 there in 20 crisp $50 bills.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn.  He slowly reached into
his pocket, removed his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into
his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

The lawyer is now in Congress, probably in your district.

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on December 16, 2020, 04:17:07 PM
Sounds like a politician/lawyer. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 16, 2020, 07:45:31 PM
Men Are Just Happier People!
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME · If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild man.
EATING OUT · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.
MONEY. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs . A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS · A woman has the last word in any argument. . Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband . A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed · Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 16, 2020, 07:46:52 PM
A good one!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 16, 2020, 07:47:43 PM
And more!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 16, 2020, 07:49:57 PM
more good ones.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 16, 2020, 07:51:12 PM
Your car had a rattle!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 16, 2020, 07:56:16 PM
Would you buy your beef here???????????????????????
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 16, 2020, 07:57:16 PM
Yokes?????
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 17, 2020, 02:28:40 PM
A good trick!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on December 17, 2020, 02:33:05 PM

 Good reason for a photo!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on December 17, 2020, 07:39:23 PM
Would you buy your beef here???????????????????????

Robert this reminds me of when I was still on the farm.   We had been feeding the steers getting ready to ship to market.  Of course the corn all didn't digest and was passed through the critters..  My brothers were down for the weekend and we were watching the chickens clawing through the cow patties and eating the corn.  My brother Bod stated and were having fried chicken after they have eaten this.  My Dad almost fell out of his chair laughing at him. H^^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: 11290 on December 18, 2020, 11:40:10 AM
Why does Santa have 3 gardens??

HE LIKES TO HO, HO, HO

Grandma, get off the stove

YOU'RE TOO OLD TO RIDE THE RANGE!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on December 18, 2020, 04:06:12 PM
My Father-in-law hated his boss so every Christmas he would mail a card to his married boss's house. He'd sign it "love" followed by "some woman's name" and sprinkle perfume on it. I think he did it for over 30 years.

I haven't put up a tree in years but the last time I did, I hung it upside-down from the ceiling. Everybody loved it.

One year, my Wife got two of those plywood cut-out reindeer for the yard, my son and I added some scrap plywood so you could tell which one was the male. Everybody didn't love it.

My mother had a living room she didn't use so she set up her tree in there and left it 20 years or more. She'd cover it in a sheet to keep it clean. It kind of accidentally doubled as a ghost at Halloween that way.

There was a table in Mom's "Christmas Room" that was full of gifts from years past that she hadn't used. We called it the "Gifts of Christmas Past" table. Stuff would sit there for years. When she died, my "brother" got it all. He should have dishes and glasses for a lifetime.

The year my mother discovered Big Lots (aka "Odd Lots") we got lots of "good stuff" and I could always count on a bottle of Old Spice (which I never wore).

My Bother-in-law has some sort of OCD. Every year we'd all get together at the Father-in-laws home. We'd always arrive before my brother-in-law. When he arrived, he'd scan the room first thing. You could watch his eyes. My son and I would set some little piece of paper or fabric on the carpet and wait to see how long it took for him to pick it up. Not laughing was almost impossible.

My Father-in-law would mail a check every year for us to buy gifts for ourselves and the kids. We'd have to wrap the stuff up, drive to his house and act "surprised" when we opened it. That way he could get a picture.

Every year my "brother" would prove how little he knew about me and my family by gifting us shirts with names of teams we cared nothing about.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on December 18, 2020, 05:12:29 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on December 26, 2020, 09:08:38 PM
I went for my annual "wellness check" last Monday. Asked if I'd noticed anything new or unusual, and I mentioned that my right eye has started twitching, but it goes away when either my wife or I was away from home. The Doctor nodded, apparently agreeing with the cause & cure.  y1 Steve

PS: It's a true story.
Title: Wife
Post by: john e. holliday on December 27, 2020, 04:26:46 PM
The wife.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: kevin king on December 27, 2020, 08:30:49 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 02, 2021, 06:47:58 PM
So, here's a few!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 02, 2021, 06:50:44 PM
MORE!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on January 02, 2021, 06:54:26 PM
And more.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on January 03, 2021, 08:18:48 PM
Those in the Marines would appreciate this one. ;D
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve_Pollock on January 09, 2021, 06:26:46 PM
Anyone for the Covid-19 shots?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on January 09, 2021, 10:02:10 PM
Anyone for the Covid-19 shots?

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on January 10, 2021, 03:04:03 AM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve_Pollock on January 11, 2021, 04:12:02 PM
From the wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes ...
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 20, 2021, 06:24:14 AM
I found that I could take something for my kleptomania.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on January 20, 2021, 06:58:11 AM
Buying another kit?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on January 20, 2021, 07:52:27 AM
Buying another kit?

I like these, but what's better is..
You know my wife always gave me a hard time about my hobby, always buying a kit or plane, always going out flying, always going to club meetings.
I retired 3 months ago and she bought me a plane.
Get out of the house!!  LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 20, 2021, 10:30:52 AM
.

Coffee in my case. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 20, 2021, 01:56:37 PM
January 20, 2021...My opinion. vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv    :'(   Steve

https://media1.tenor.com/images/c3cb5ab0fee714ece6b9c0aa44419611/tenor.gif
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on January 20, 2021, 05:49:35 PM
You know my wife always gave me a hard time about my hobby, always buying a kit or plane, always going out flying, always going to club meetings. I retired 3 months ago and she bought me a plane. Get out of the house!!  LL~

Better tell her straight where you're headed. LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: afml on January 20, 2021, 09:18:37 PM
NOTE:
If this is 'too strong', please delete! y1
If you are easily offended, please don't read any further! %^@

My Sister sent me this…….

My Husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and then put the cat in the backyard. When our Uber arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our parakeet we didn’t want to leave them un-chaperoned so my Husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the backyard again. 

Because I didn’t want the Uber driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my Mother. A few minutes later he got into the Uber all hot and bothered, and said
(to my growing horror and amusement) as the car pulled away, “Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her a$$ with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat a$$ down the stairs and threw her into the backyard…….
She had better not @#$% in the vegetable garden again!”

The silence in the Uber was deafening……..

P.S.: I love cats.....
        Tastes like chicken! %^@ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on January 20, 2021, 11:25:50 PM
The R/C industry attempts to make their products more appealing than us practical C/L types. <= D>K H^^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 21, 2021, 05:02:37 AM
https://www.facebook.com/JustonMcKinney/videos/225037805834809
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 21, 2021, 12:33:18 PM
Perry, that is so funny.  Made me remember when after my brother Bill and family came down to the farm for the week end.  Later in the  week Sister-in-law got a note from nephews teacher that she needed to come for a talk.  The kids were asked to draw a picture of what they did or saw that weekend.  Needless to say he drew a picture of the cows and calves in the barn yard.   He included the details even the young steer relieving himself.  Guess the teacher had never been on a farm before. D>K 
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on January 21, 2021, 08:00:31 PM
Sometimes we have to watch what we say when talking about old engines.  n1  LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 22, 2021, 12:36:49 PM
Did I miss these on here?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on January 22, 2021, 01:48:23 PM
Regarding Alexa, there is a version for us seniors.  :!  H^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvT_gqs5ETk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvT_gqs5ETk)

There's also an Alex for those who are Southern.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3j6708kzEY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3j6708kzEY)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Doug Moisuk on January 22, 2021, 03:32:44 PM
Why do all the other posts have the latest posts at the top and this one at the end?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Steve Helmick on January 23, 2021, 04:54:22 PM
Why do all the other posts have the latest posts at the top and this one at the end?

Whut?  LL~ Steve
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Doug Moisuk on January 23, 2021, 05:36:22 PM
Whut?  LL~ Steve

On all the other forum pages the latest post is ATTHE TOP OF THE PAGE.  On this post the latest post is at the bottom of the 9th page. Well 10th now.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on January 23, 2021, 05:53:48 PM
Use the go down button. H^^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Doug Moisuk on January 23, 2021, 05:56:58 PM
Use the go down button. H^^

Thanks that helps but doesn’t answer the question. It only takes you to the bottom of page 1.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Perry Rose on January 31, 2021, 01:38:22 PM
https://www.facebook.com/HillbillyWeather/videos/249930999980422
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on February 06, 2021, 08:02:50 AM
 <= #^
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on February 06, 2021, 09:11:31 AM
Common cures I grew up with ....
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on February 07, 2021, 05:15:57 PM
>>>
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Tony Drago on February 09, 2021, 02:58:47 PM
A few that were sent to me
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 11, 2021, 12:19:32 PM
Well?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on February 19, 2021, 09:17:05 AM
Well, That's a surprise Where else would they hide them, up a tree?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 19, 2021, 11:11:16 AM
Well, That's a surprise Where else would they hide them, up a tree?

You have to consider where the reporter was educated. D>K
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on February 19, 2021, 11:18:20 AM
You have to consider where the reporter was educated. D>K

Along with the people who reads the reporter's articles. <=

Sometimes the very person you trusted may be a little stinker.  VD~

Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on February 19, 2021, 11:39:09 AM
I don't know which paper that specific article came from but did verify the story via a number of different newspapers.

I thought it quite a humorous headline.

This is the Humor section right?

YMMV

TTFN
John.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on February 27, 2021, 11:51:04 AM
Biden

I thought these were funny.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on March 01, 2021, 11:27:54 AM
THIS is funny.

A disgusting ugly PIG who criticized Melania Trump's fashion choices! And she's a FASHION editor for a women's magazine!

Title: Walter?
Post by: Elwyn Aud on March 10, 2021, 11:41:49 AM
The resemblance was so striking I had to post it. No political statement intended.( I can think of several good Biden jokes with this comparison though)
Title: Re: Walter?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on March 10, 2021, 12:25:52 PM
The resemblance was so striking I had to post it. No political statement intended.

 LL~ LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on March 10, 2021, 03:58:05 PM
Some good ones!
Title: Re: Walter?
Post by: John Hammonds on March 10, 2021, 05:21:09 PM
The resemblance was so striking I had to post it. No political statement intended.

Even as a Brit, that's funny.  LL~

TTFN
John.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on March 10, 2021, 05:44:58 PM
English Humour....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFuYIi5-igc

TTFN
John.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: john e. holliday on March 10, 2021, 05:46:39 PM
Jeff Dunham, great ventriloquist.  Every time I see him perform I wonder if he made his poor dummy to look like the Biden so called president. ???
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on March 12, 2021, 05:24:17 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Hammonds on March 12, 2021, 05:26:58 PM
.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on March 12, 2021, 06:07:56 PM
.

Kinda looks like this guy...LOL
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on March 12, 2021, 10:31:59 PM
Discriminating flies.
Changes in age.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on April 06, 2021, 05:32:17 AM
  LL~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on April 06, 2021, 05:08:58 PM
Somehow it is difficult to appease the other half ....
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on April 06, 2021, 05:40:02 PM
A few good ones!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on April 06, 2021, 05:41:15 PM
I'll bet their parents are proud!!!!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on April 06, 2021, 05:42:53 PM
Real genius!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: John Carrodus on April 15, 2021, 04:19:09 PM
                                   Control liners move in higher circles.
       Smoke, stink, loud noise and wind, sound like politics with strings attached.
             Old farts, toy airplanes, tears and laughter - sounds like FUN. Tax it!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Tony Drago on April 15, 2021, 06:12:45 PM
The captions say it all.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: afml on May 04, 2021, 03:40:20 PM
What day is today??

Nope...Guess again! #^

Not even close! HB~>

OK...

I'll tell you.....

NATIONAL STAR WARS DAY! #^

May the 4th be with you!   LL~ LL~ VD~
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on May 04, 2021, 04:48:27 PM
There's a job opening to work with these guys - anyone interested?
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on May 04, 2021, 04:54:21 PM
Good ones!
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on May 04, 2021, 05:17:52 PM
What day is today?? Nope...Guess again! #^ Not even close! HB~> OK... I'll tell you..... NATIONAL STAR WARS DAY! #^ May the 4th be with you!   LL~ LL~ VD~

Forth was a computer language that was entering prevalence around the time of the 1st Star Wars movie. It appears to have gone into oblivion along with Pascal, PL1, and unfortunately BASIC, etc. I took FORTRAN IV instead of the highly recommended new PL1 recommended for engineering students back in the early 1970's. When I started work, and that in software writing, I saw no shade of PL1 ever since. Yet saw FORTRAN in various shades since. It was true back then, real men program in FORTRAN.

https://www.pbm.com/~lindahl/real.programmers.html (https://www.pbm.com/~lindahl/real.programmers.html)
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: afml on May 04, 2021, 08:41:54 PM
" Real Programmers survive on Twinkies and coffee. "
There's where I messed up.....
My mainstay was Beer & Cheese Popcorn! VD~
Did have fun times with the PDP4 computer at the Pittsburgh Institute of Technology.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: GallopingGhostler on May 04, 2021, 10:27:15 PM
"Real Programmers survive on Twinkies and coffee." There's where I messed up..... My mainstay was Beer & Cheese Popcorn! VD~ Did have fun times with the PDP4 computer at the Pittsburgh Institute of Technology.

I was still in grade school when the PDP-4 was out. ;) At the University of Hawaii, I remember the cheese crackers in the vending machines that were made prestale, so they wouldn't go worse in the machines. They fueled late night study sessions. And, the small machine brewed coffee using real grinds (not the modern liquid coffee syrup now served) in vending cups, kept eyes open late at night. LL~

And, the BCC-500 (Berkeley Computer Corporation Model 500) in Holmes Hall (engineering college building) that had text games on it using teletype and cheap paper rolls made of paper similar to newsprint. (We had a professor who worked there, brought it with him when he come to the UH.) It also had a BASIC interpreter on it, but I had access to an HP-85 microcomputer with HP-BASIC and HPIB interface buss (IEEE-488) for connecting scientific instruments to. (I took an undergraduate directed research course, ME-499 where I wrote a paper and wrote a program using Fourier Transforms to mathematically approximate model rocket thrust curves. It was later used for an undergraduate class.

We didn't have access to the tele-terminals to the university's IBM 370 mainframe, we all had to share the key punch machine and cut each line of code on a Hollerith card. Then do like BC did to wait for the print out with error messages, let the bottle drift out with the evening tide, wait for its return on the morning tide. (Actual turn around time varied between 10 minutes during evening and weekend hours to 45 minutes nearing midterms.)

I found out working for Douglas Aircraft Company in the 1980's, that those Dilbert cartoons are true! y1 Even down to the pointed hair supervisor  ~^ and Wally! %^@
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Robert Zambelli on May 05, 2021, 07:28:40 AM
Wisdom for today

There are three things that cannot be easily hidden: The Sun, the Moon, and the Truth.

The following are 2 Simple Truths, 5 Rules of Life, and 3 Bonus Rules:

SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations."
But none go up to the man, touch his penis and say, "Good Job."
Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money can't buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Ferrari than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.
5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

BONUS RULES:
1. Condoms do not guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
2. I think all politicians should wear uniforms. You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.
3. Also, all politicians should serve only two terms -- one in office and one in prison.

This was a public service announcement. No need to thank me. 

Bob Z.
Title: Re: Humor section?
Post by: Dwayne Donnelly on May 08, 2021, 12:05:38 PM
 LL~