Author Topic: Humor section? (Read 74645 times)

Perry Rose · « **Reply #300 on:** February 14, 2020, 05:55:37 AM »

Dangerous Hicks doing something new. Bluegrass or blue/blackgrass.

john e. holliday · « **Reply #301 on:** February 15, 2020, 03:28:00 PM »

Uncle Fester.

john e. holliday · « **Reply #302 on:** February 15, 2020, 03:29:01 PM »

Latest chainsaw.

Peter Grabenstein · « **Reply #303 on:** February 15, 2020, 08:56:25 PM »

Peter

john e. holliday · « **Reply #304 on:** February 16, 2020, 06:28:48 PM »

Will keep comments to myself.

Gerald Arana · « **Reply #305 on:** February 16, 2020, 06:47:35 PM »

Quote from: john e. holliday on February 15, 2020, 03:28:00 PM

Uncle Fester.

Good one Doc!

Jerry

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #306 on:** February 25, 2020, 05:19:53 PM »

Priority!

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #307 on:** March 10, 2020, 08:02:08 AM »

Subject: A funny one

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Officer: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.
Officer: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think Never really noticed.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?
Husband : A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4, with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and
off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.

OFFICER : Take it easy sir, we'll find your Truck!!

Steve Helmick · « **Reply #308 on:** March 11, 2020, 10:40:59 AM »

Quote from: Perry Rose on February 14, 2020, 05:55:37 AM

Dangerous Hicks doing something new. Bluegrass or blue/blackgrass.

The song was funny enough, but why were those ol' boys playing three different tunes? That was awful!

Steve

Fredvon4 · « **Reply #309 on:** March 12, 2020, 08:38:18 AM »

And yes Virginia...they are legion....and they breed.....be very very afraid.....

Jim Carter · « **Reply #310 on:** March 19, 2020, 04:02:37 PM »

Quote from: Steve Helmick on March 11, 2020, 10:40:59 AM

The song was funny enough, but why were those ol' boys playing three different tunes? That was awful! Steve

I too thought it was funny and challenging for them to be able to do just that! I liked it … but then I have a weird sense humor anyway!

RC Storick · « **Reply #311 on:** March 20, 2020, 10:00:18 AM »

Old joe

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

John Hammonds · « **Reply #312 on:** March 20, 2020, 02:02:34 PM »

Near Miss

john e. holliday · « **Reply #313 on:** March 22, 2020, 09:57:26 AM »

Clothes

john e. holliday · « **Reply #314 on:** March 22, 2020, 10:09:38 AM »

Party.

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #315 on:** March 23, 2020, 06:05:20 PM »

A few more good ones!

11290 · « **Reply #316 on:** March 24, 2020, 11:30:06 AM »

As seen online:
I told my wife that I'd be working from home for the foreseeable future. To make things simple I told her to just pretend I wasn't at home and do her usual routine. Why am I seeing strange men coming to my home every hour?

John Hammonds · « **Reply #317 on:** March 29, 2020, 08:04:43 AM »

Sign of the times.....

john e. holliday · « **Reply #318 on:** March 29, 2020, 03:24:46 PM »

This might be funny if it wasn't for todays generation that think the virus is a hoax.

john e. holliday · « **Reply #319 on:** March 29, 2020, 03:28:57 PM »

Another that was sent to me.

Ken Culbertson · « **Reply #320 on:** April 01, 2020, 08:49:37 AM »

Just curious - do CA fumes kill the virus?

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #321 on:** April 03, 2020, 04:10:02 PM »

Enjoy a few!!!

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #322 on:** April 03, 2020, 04:12:38 PM »

Some more!

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #323 on:** April 03, 2020, 04:15:43 PM »

They keep coming!

Perry Rose · « **Reply #324 on:** April 08, 2020, 08:47:35 AM »

Dwayne Donnelly · « **Reply #325 on:** April 10, 2020, 01:39:38 PM »

Grandma and grandma are going out for a walk when grandma asks, "Joe do you think I should wear a bra?"
To which Joe replied " You probably should it rained and it's quite muddy out"

Dwayne Donnelly · « **Reply #326 on:** April 10, 2020, 04:39:02 PM »

Dwayne Donnelly · « **Reply #327 on:** April 11, 2020, 08:07:02 AM »

https://www.gocomics.com/spectickles/2020/04/11?ct=v&cti=1867520

Dwayne Donnelly · « **Reply #328 on:** April 11, 2020, 08:10:59 AM »

John Hammonds · « **Reply #329 on:** April 14, 2020, 03:11:37 AM »

Dwayne Donnelly · « **Reply #330 on:** April 25, 2020, 06:13:05 AM »

Perry Rose · « **Reply #331 on:** April 29, 2020, 08:19:32 AM »

Francis was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young pullets, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot to be replaced by a younger, more vigorous bird.
This took a lot of time, so he bought small bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different jingle, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
He could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells, "Real scientific," Francis was heard to say.
Francis's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but his bell was not ringing!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, ringing their bells, but the pullets, on hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Francis's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Francis was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation with the judges.
The judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
The moral of the story is: Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

Perry Rose · « **Reply #332 on:** April 29, 2020, 08:24:03 AM »

I thought the chicken joke would be a spin off of this old joke.
There was an old bull and a young bull on a rise looking over the herd of cows. The young bull said to the old bull "lets run down there and screw one of the cows". The old bull replied "lets walk down there and screw them all".

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #333 on:** May 06, 2020, 08:52:53 AM »

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?😂😂

DONALD TRUMP: I’ve been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not-cross-the-road... with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

ANDREW CUOMO: to get a job as an essential worker.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

KING DAVID: O Lord, why dost the chicken cross the road? And why art the chicken hawks beset around it? Surely in vain the road is crossed in the sight of any predator.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

WILLY WONKA: to find out where all the bad eggs go.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road...and this is twenty twenty.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2020, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.Also, I made sure that each chicken has been vaccinated for Covid19. No chicken can cross the road until we have a mass vaccination of all the chickens of the world.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Ken Culbertson · « **Reply #334 on:** May 06, 2020, 11:28:43 AM »

Quote from: Robert Zambelli on May 06, 2020, 08:52:53 AM

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?😂😂

Good one!

Peter Nevai · « **Reply #335 on:** May 06, 2020, 03:14:42 PM »

For a pretty select audience.

Ken Culbertson · « **Reply #336 on:** May 06, 2020, 03:25:07 PM »

Quote from: Peter Nevai on May 06, 2020, 03:14:42 PM

For a pretty select audience.

Kid at Best Buy tried to convince me that a VGA to HDMI adapter is the same as a HDMI to VGA. You just turn it around.

Ken

Perry Rose · « **Reply #337 on:** May 19, 2020, 05:28:49 AM »

John Hammonds · « **Reply #338 on:** May 19, 2020, 03:25:16 PM »

GERALD WIMMER · « **Reply #339 on:** May 20, 2020, 02:56:31 PM »

Hello
Pigs fly.....

GERALD WIMMER · « **Reply #340 on:** May 22, 2020, 04:43:01 AM »

Quote from: Ty Marcucci on May 21, 2020, 06:58:07 PM

Model engine quiz. Which of the following is not a model engine?

A. McCoy .19

B. Fox .19

C. K&B .19

D. Covid 19

E. None of the above.

F. All of the above.

I hope when they bring out the Covid 21 next year a McCoy 19 can beat it!

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #341 on:** May 29, 2020, 09:34:10 AM »

A few laughs!!

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #342 on:** May 29, 2020, 09:35:44 AM »

Six More!

john e. holliday · « **Reply #343 on:** June 05, 2020, 11:25:40 AM »

To me this is funny. Nobody remembers it.

Peter Nevai · « **Reply #344 on:** June 05, 2020, 03:39:43 PM »

Some days it just pays not to get out of bed.

Dennis Leonhardi · « **Reply #345 on:** June 05, 2020, 04:03:22 PM »

Dennis

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #346 on:** June 07, 2020, 01:59:05 PM »

Some laughs!!!

Robert Zambelli · « **Reply #347 on:** June 13, 2020, 07:19:15 PM »

This is GREAT!!!
Especially for the assholes who favor elimination/defunding of police.

http://twitter.com/Destiny36501/status/1271555601466904576

Gary Dowler · « **Reply #348 on:** June 13, 2020, 10:32:56 PM »

“Coming soon to a 911 call near you!” That was FUNNY!!!

Gary

Fredvon4 · « **Reply #349 on:** June 14, 2020, 07:23:29 AM »

Bob I get it.....but......that really is more disturbing than funny.....The capitol of Texas, Austin, city council voted to defund police......Texas!!!

Ant they said if we got concealed guns Texas would be like wild wild west.......seems to me the left is hustling that potential reality along