Author Topic: OT - Very Bad Day (Read 7434 times)

Brett Buck · « **on:** November 25, 2017, 12:03:46 PM »

Yoiu may have noticed that I haven't been posting the last week. Unfortunately, my dad went in for a back operation for his crippling pain (turns out he had two crushed vertebra for a long time, and many healed fractures), but before they got to doing it, he had multiple strokes. I had to put him in hospice care, there's nothing much they can do. I am chasing back and forth across Arkansas trying to sort various things out (like, how to pay the phone bill, stuff like that).

Brett

Gerald Arana · « **Reply #1 on:** November 25, 2017, 12:14:56 PM »

Hi Brett,

I wish I had a magic trick/pill etc., for you. But I don't. I know your pain since my Mom went through 5 years being bed ridden after hip surgery and a stroke.....

Keep the Faith, Jerry

tom brightbill · « **Reply #2 on:** November 25, 2017, 12:32:41 PM »

My best to you both.
Tom

David Hoover · « **Reply #3 on:** November 25, 2017, 01:00:42 PM »

And my best wishes for you both as well.

peabody · « **Reply #4 on:** November 25, 2017, 01:03:09 PM »

Wow Brett......you have my sympathy....that stuff gets real crazy!
May your dad be comfortable....
Best

Target · « **Reply #5 on:** November 25, 2017, 01:08:40 PM »

Best wishes to you and your family Brett.

My own dad just passed in August, but he was not doing great before that. He had had many mini-strokes, and was particularly pissed that he had one in his sleep.
He was a retired mechanical engineer at JPL, worked mostly on their solid propellant rocket boosters. Yes, he was a very smart man, and at the end, very frustrated that he didn't have that capacity anymore. I just kept telling him that it's ok and that that was why I was going to help him.

It's going to be an uphill battle for you. Just try to figure out what you can do, that gives him a little joy, and do it.
Often it might be an odd little thing. For me and him, it was me bringing my girlfriends 90lb labradoodle named "Jack" to see my dad, also named "Jack". He loved seeing that dog.
So every weekend I would do that.

The point is that you can only do what you are able to, so don't get upset with the stuff you can't. Hopefully he will make a recovery from the strokes, but if not, just do what you can and try not to sweat what you can't.

Kind Regards,
Target/Chris Behm

Paul Taylor · « **Reply #6 on:** November 25, 2017, 01:28:51 PM »

Hi Brett
Sorry your having to deal with this.

I just went through this with my step dad. I rolled up a bunch of miles on the wife's new car crossing a few states. I got to spend a lot of time sitting by his bed and just talking whenever he felt up to it day or night. I'm glad I made all the road trips.
Each day was a gift.

Prayers for strength
Paul

Fredvon4 · « **Reply #7 on:** November 25, 2017, 02:01:27 PM »

As always, Prayers from our family to your's Brett

Mike Griffin · « **Reply #8 on:** November 25, 2017, 02:06:01 PM »

Brett so very sorry to hear this. Sending prayers for you and your family.

Mike

Tim Wescott · « **Reply #9 on:** November 25, 2017, 02:09:54 PM »

My deep sympathy, Brett. I've been through this with my dad, and not as one of the siblings that ends up with all the grunt work. Your family is lucky to have you on the spot.

Eric Viglione · « **Reply #10 on:** November 25, 2017, 02:39:01 PM »

Sorry to read this Brett. I've been there, got the tee shirt, then burned it. Still get "that" feeling when I pass the place where Mom finally passed, and it was a long bumpy road for her to finally get there. She finally got to the point where she prayed for God to take her daily. It was about as bad as I could have ever feared. I hope your Dad can be made comfortable and find some joy in the days ahead. You are a doing right by your progenitor, and that is not as common as it should be anymore. I couldnt believe how many elderly were abandoned like horses waiting for the glue factory when I was taking care of Mom. The staff knew all my family by name and we came in shifts. The staff seemed constantly surprised by our regularity and involvement, and that made me realize how bad things really are for a lot of elderly. Not sure if you are flying solo, but that can't be easy. You can only do what is humanly possible. Hang in there,
EricV

Dave_Trible · « **Reply #11 on:** November 25, 2017, 04:32:52 PM »

Brett I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I sure wish you strength and patience right now. Spend as much time as you can with him. My biggest regrets are about thinking my dad had more time than he did and I didn’t spend the time I should have with him towards the end. My best thoughts are with you.

Dave

john e. holliday · « **Reply #12 on:** November 25, 2017, 05:45:40 PM »

Brett the old DOC doesn't really know what to say other than to say you are on prayer list. I spent the last few years with my Dad on the farm. He couldn't do the work but he could tell me how to do it. I guess I scared him a few times mowing hay or disc fresh plowed ground. This has been so many years ago, I was not even 21 yet when he passed. I guess we never really spend enough time with our parents, even the in laws.

Target · « **Reply #13 on:** November 25, 2017, 05:50:16 PM »

Quote from: Dave_Trible on November 25, 2017, 04:32:52 PM

Brett I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I sure wish you strength and patience right now. Spend as much time as you can with him. My biggest regrets are about thinking my dad had more time than he did and I didn’t spend the time I should have with him towards the end. My best thoughts are with you.

Dave

^^^+1,000^^^

BYU · « **Reply #14 on:** November 25, 2017, 07:21:55 PM »

Very sad to hear your news, anything you need please call, be happy to help.

Norm Faith Jr. · « **Reply #15 on:** November 25, 2017, 07:27:11 PM »

Hi Brett, sometimes things just don't go the way you want them to. "Been there done that!" I'm here in Arkansas, I have a plane and can conjure up a pilot, if you need to go some place in a hurry, just say the word. Hope things work out for the best.
Norm

Will Hinton · « **Reply #16 on:** November 25, 2017, 08:16:27 PM »

Praying for you, Brett. I know all too darn well what the caretaking role is like and you'll forget the "outside" world for a while and just take care of Dad. I echo the others who have said to just be with him as much as possible.
Be strong and courageous, as God told Jeremiah. All His best to you and the family.

Tom Niebuhr · « **Reply #17 on:** November 25, 2017, 08:57:32 PM »

Bret,

You are a very good son and doing everything that you can. We are all praying for you and your dad.

James Mills · « **Reply #18 on:** November 25, 2017, 09:07:51 PM »

Brett,

Praying for you and your family.

James

Howard Rush · « **Reply #19 on:** November 25, 2017, 09:45:38 PM »

I’m sorry to hear this, Brett. Marilou and I are thinking of you.

Paul Walker · « **Reply #20 on:** November 25, 2017, 10:05:31 PM »

So sorry to hear about your fathers decline. May he not suffer in his remaining time.

However, it makes life very hard on you being so far away. Just be sure we are thinking about you.

Brett Buck · « **Reply #21 on:** November 25, 2017, 10:43:40 PM »

Quote from: Paul Walker on November 25, 2017, 10:05:31 PM

So sorry to hear about your fathers decline. May he not suffer in his remaining time.

He's sitting there at ~90 lbs, one blown pupil, musculature of a concnetration camp inmate, heavily slurred speech, almost deaf, knows he going into hospice, on a substantial dose of morphine, but he's still scamming on the nurses - with some degree of success. Yesterday, the nurse asked him "can I get anything for you?". He says, fairly clearly "Yeah, a beer!". He had her from then on. Tonight, we are moving him into the hospice, he gets cold because he's wearing a half-fastened hospital gown and a diaper and it's about 50 degrees outside. They asked him if he was cold, and he says "iike a mortuary?" That's where I get my smart-ass streak- I'm pretty good, but he's the absolute master.

Brett

Manuel Cortes · « **Reply #22 on:** November 25, 2017, 10:54:15 PM »

Hi Brett.

Best and warm wishes for your father and you.
Hard times show us how strong we are, unfortunately.

Take care.

Manuel.

Paul Walker · « **Reply #23 on:** November 25, 2017, 10:59:22 PM »

Sounds like he is aware and still has his wits about him. Been there wirh my dad also. His brain was just fine, but his body gave up. So sorry that you have to go through this.

Sooooooo, your father to to blame for your standing on Larry's list.

Randy Cuberly · « **Reply #24 on:** November 26, 2017, 12:25:01 AM »

Brett,
Very sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost mine many years ago, but in his case he passed very quickly from a heart attack.

I sincerely hope things get easier for you and your dad!

Randy Cuberly

Jim Hoffman · « **Reply #25 on:** November 26, 2017, 05:15:29 AM »

Sorry to hear about your situation.
Hospice is an incredible organization.
Hope they are as helpful to your family as they have been to mine.

Jim Hoffman

pat king · « **Reply #26 on:** November 26, 2017, 10:13:21 AM »

Brett,
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. You, your father, and family are in my prayers.

Pat

Jack Pitcher · « **Reply #27 on:** November 26, 2017, 10:54:46 AM »

Brett,
My thoughts are with you through this difficult time. Your love and respect for your dad are apparent. A powerful force.
My best to both of you.

Jack

Brett Buck · « **Reply #28 on:** November 26, 2017, 11:50:17 AM »

Quote from: Paul Walker on November 25, 2017, 10:59:22 PM

Sounds like he is aware and still has his wits about him. Been there wirh my dad also. His brain was just fine, but his body gave up. So sorry that you have to go through this.

It makes it much worse this way, he knows full well what is going on. My mom, in the same boat about this time last year, was completely out of it.

Brett

Dennis Toth · « **Reply #29 on:** November 26, 2017, 02:33:43 PM »

Brett,
Sorry to hear about your Dad's situation. I went through this last March with my mom and it can be trying.

One thing you should do is make sure your POA is up to date while he is cognizant of what is going on and that it has all the needed permissions for Medicare, Medicaid and VA (if he is veteran), this will make your life easier down the road. If you haven't already you may want to touch base with a senior care attorney to address estate issues.

Hang in there and know we are all with you in our thoughts and prayers.

Best, DennisT

Brett Buck · « **Reply #30 on:** November 26, 2017, 05:56:01 PM »

Quote from: Paul Walker on November 25, 2017, 10:59:22 PM

Sooooooo, your father to to blame for your standing on Larry's list.

I prefer the word "credit" rather than blame. But if he was around our group for any length of time, he would shoot to the top of the list and be unassailable.

Brett

Serge_Krauss · « **Reply #31 on:** November 26, 2017, 07:48:43 PM »

'so sorry to hear about your dad, Brett. Do what you can, but don't try the impossible. What probably counts most is his knowing that you care and love him. Please be sure to save some life for yourself.

SK

Guy B Jr · « **Reply #32 on:** November 26, 2017, 11:19:27 PM »

Brett,

I am so sorry to hear of your father's condition. May God bless you and your father and give you all strength in the coming days.

Paul Walker · « **Reply #33 on:** November 27, 2017, 09:38:48 AM »

Your dad must be content with the knowledge of how much you have been supporting him at this time. He also must be proud of you, your accomplishments in life, and your love of him.

He raised a very good son!

May his time in hospice be peaceful.

Brett Buck · « **Reply #34 on:** November 27, 2017, 04:30:15 PM »

Today he had a good morning, his buddies came by and his sister, and he was pretty much as good as normal (from 2-3 weeks ago). This afternoon, he was pretty in an out, but he knew he wanted his orange juice (which he is not supposed to have). We even gave him a swab of his favorite JTS Brown bourbon, didn't care for that.

His speech is markedly better yesterday and today from a week ago. Mh aunt was getting all positive, but I warned her not to read too much into it.

Brett

Curt D Contrata · « **Reply #35 on:** November 27, 2017, 06:40:50 PM »

A very difficult time Brett, nothing any of us can say to help heal the pain. From my experience the personal stories tend to get get old. Hold on to that we all are beside you through this difficult time and share it with you from familiar experiences and with your own very special memories.

Curt

Dane Martin · « **Reply #36 on:** November 27, 2017, 07:00:12 PM »

This is one of those times where we say, anything we can do just let us know. I'm not sure what we can do, but if you need anything don't hesitate to ask. Your family is in our prayers also.

phil c · « **Reply #37 on:** November 27, 2017, 07:28:26 PM »

Got you in my prayers. Keep up your spirits to you can support your Dad. No one knows how it going to go. Hospice will take good care of him. He knows he's made a good life, if it's his time.

Phil C

Derek Barry · « **Reply #38 on:** November 28, 2017, 03:32:28 AM »

Hey Brett,

There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said, so just know that our thoughts are with you and your family.

Take Care
Derek and family

Terry Bentley · « **Reply #39 on:** November 28, 2017, 06:10:45 AM »

Sorry to hear that, my prayers are with you and your family.

Derek Moran · « **Reply #40 on:** November 28, 2017, 08:12:28 AM »

I empathize, Brett. Your father has the right idea: try to keep your sense of humor.
Both of you have my prayers.
Derek Moran

Doug Moon · « **Reply #41 on:** November 28, 2017, 01:59:35 PM »

So sorry to hear about this. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Don Chandler · « **Reply #42 on:** November 28, 2017, 02:45:28 PM »

Very sorry to hear this. I recently went through much the same thing with my brother who passed away way to young. At times like these it really does make us put priorities on things in life.

Believe it or not, we do heal.

Prayers

Don Chandler

MikeyPratt · « **Reply #43 on:** November 29, 2017, 07:32:11 PM »

Brett,
Hey Buddy, I'm sorry to hear that your dad is not doing well, but keep the positive thoughts going to help him as much as you can. You have already proven to him your loyalty and love for him, and he knows it. These things are never easy at all, I wish Lois could have passed in Hospis they really know what they are doing and provide a Hugh service when needed. I was glad she was at home with me so I could say good by.

Hang in there Brett, you and your dad are in my prayers,

Mikey

Chris McMillin · « **Reply #44 on:** November 30, 2017, 02:40:23 PM »

Hang in there, brother. We're thinking of you and your dad.
Chris and Laura...

Randy Powell · « **Reply #45 on:** November 30, 2017, 03:28:29 PM »

Very sorry to hear this, Brett. Hope things improve for you. You are in my thoughts.

Brett Buck · « **Reply #46 on:** December 01, 2017, 08:43:37 PM »

Thanks to everyone. I genuinely appreciate the good words. I am currently at home and my brother is in Arkansas right now, but I am going back tomorrow (if necessary...).

Brett

Brent Williams · « **Reply #47 on:** December 01, 2017, 10:39:21 PM »

Sorry to hear of your pain Brett. I can only imagine how difficult it must be going through all of this.

Stuntflyn · « **Reply #48 on:** December 08, 2017, 08:01:56 PM »

Sorry to hear such sad news. You and your brother are good sons. We all will face the inevitable at some point, but what a comfort having such son’s are to your father.

You are all in our prayers and hope you never forget to cherish each day on this earth, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

Best wishes,

Jim

Brett Buck · « **Reply #49 on:** December 08, 2017, 08:57:13 PM »

Thanks, everyone. For all intents and purposes, he was gone and been effectively unconscious since about noon yesterday, although technically he is still going.

I am still in Arkansas, still waiting for the actual end, but everything he was is lost, that incredible mind having finally shut down after 84 years, 5 months, and 12 days of brilliance.

Brett

Author Topic: OT - Very Bad Day (Read 7434 times)

Eric Viglione