Tony Blair, the British Prime Minister, is being shown around a hospital. Towards the end of the visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of people with no obvious signs of injury or disease. He goes to greet the first patient and the chap replies: "Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye take your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm." Tony, being somewhat confused (as usual), goes to the next patient and greets him. The patient replies: "Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it, but we hae meat and can eat, and sae the Lord be thankit." The third starts rattling off as follows: "Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an chase thee, wi murdering pattle!" Tony turns to the doctor accompanying him and asks what sort of ward is this. A mental ward? "No," replies the doctor, "It's the Burns Unit."
Two Scots:
- I want to see how good you are at algebra. If you have 20 pounds and I ask you to lend me 5, how many pounds will you have?
- 20!
- What does a Scot do when he is cold?
- He puts a candle next to him.
- And what does he do when he is very, very cold?
- Light the candle.
A Scot comes to the registry office and wants to change the name of his wife. The clerk looks at him with some suspicion:
- Why didn't your wife come to change her name?
- He can't come because she died a week ago.
- But why do you want to change her name?
- I found a very nice second-hand gravestone, at a good price, but the name is different.
Topic: Humor section? (Read 127120 times)