News:




  • October 20, 2018, 12:17:48 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Humor section?  (Read 4213 times)

Offline Dwayne Donnelly

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 1095
    • My site
Humor section?
« on: June 27, 2018, 08:36:30 AM »
Did we not used to have a humor section here?
Any way saw this on Facebook and had to post it here. <=
My purpose in life is to serve as warning to others

 maac 44334


Offline Steve Helmick

  • AMA Member and supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 8313
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2018, 06:35:21 PM »
Stuka Stunt Works Forum has a humor section. Stunt Hangar is for serious Stunt stuff.  ;) Steve
In 1944 18-20 year old's stormed beaches, and parachuted behind enemy lines to almost certain death.

In 2015 18-20 year old's need safe zones so people don't hurt their feelings.

"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet." General Mattis.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline skyshark58

  • skyshark58
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Commander
  • ****
  • Posts: 386
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2018, 01:25:55 PM »
Batman
mike potter

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2018, 07:55:29 AM »
Something for hunters.   
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Bob Hunt

  • 2016 supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 1726
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2018, 08:34:27 AM »
What? You don't think some of the battles that go on here are not humorous?  n~

Bob Hunt

Offline FLOYD CARTER

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 3338
    • owner
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2018, 11:15:33 AM »
Any serious collector of antiques or "vintage" stuff knows the market, and they know the real value of things they are looking for.

People who try to sell things when they know nothing about the item are just "blowing in the wind".  A waste of time.
"Growing old is easy.
 Staying old is hard"
AMA #796  SAM #188  LSF #020

Offline Fredvon4

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 1603
  • Central Texas
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2018, 12:19:20 PM »
JOKE OF THE DAY: A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb.
"A good scare teaches more than good advice"

Fred von Gortler IV

Offline Jim Kraft

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 2901
  • AMA78415
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2018, 12:54:31 PM »
The kids were in the lunch line at the Catholic school. At the head of the line was a large bowl of apples. A sign read, take only one, God is watching. At the end of the lunch line was a large platter of chocolate chip cookies. One of he kids had made a note and put by the cookies. Take all you want, God is watching the apples.
Jim Kraft

Offline Steve Helmick

  • AMA Member and supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 8313
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2018, 01:17:30 PM »
"Stuka Stunt Works Forum has a humor section. Stunt Hangar is for serious Stunt stuff.   Steve"

Now that was funny!

Ken
[/quote

Thank ya, thank ya very much. It was intended to be good for a giggle.  H^^ Steve
In 1944 18-20 year old's stormed beaches, and parachuted behind enemy lines to almost certain death.

In 2015 18-20 year old's need safe zones so people don't hurt their feelings.

"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet." General Mattis.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2018, 04:35:20 PM »
 

Watch it if you dare, it may bring back powerful memories.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2018, 03:27:09 PM »
While his wife was fighting with a 4 foot Gar fish my son was busy catching the real trophy.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10216314089790855&set=p.10216314089790855&type=3
4th of July weekend at Lake Chicot, Ar.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2018, 05:16:11 AM »
The link worked for me.
 
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Ken Culbertson

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *****
  • Posts: 692
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #14 on: July 10, 2018, 06:29:55 AM »
The link worked for me.
Still get the error.  Must be Facebook thing.  No biggie, must be an inside joke!
« Last Edit: July 10, 2018, 11:14:20 AM by Ken Culbertson »
AMA 15382

If it is not broke, don't fix it.

Online john e. holliday

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 19726
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #15 on: July 10, 2018, 11:02:30 AM »
Still same results for me.  Error messages. HB~>
John E. "DOC" Holliday
10421 West 56th Terrace
Shawnee, KANSAS  66203
AMA 23530

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Steve Helmick

  • AMA Member and supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 8313
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #17 on: July 11, 2018, 06:00:26 PM »
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10216314089790855&set=p.10216314089790855&type=3&theater
Try this one.


I still couldn't get the link to work. But I did learn something. "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

LL~ Steve
In 1944 18-20 year old's stormed beaches, and parachuted behind enemy lines to almost certain death.

In 2015 18-20 year old's need safe zones so people don't hurt their feelings.

"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet." General Mattis.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #18 on: July 12, 2018, 05:16:41 AM »
It's a picture of a 5 foot high first place cook off trophy my son hooked into and landed at the same time his wife was landing the alligator gar. I guess the winner wanted money instead.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #20 on: July 20, 2018, 08:48:46 AM »
A dog and a cat are in Heaven sitting on a cloud. Both have on the white pull over and wings. The dog says to the cat, "I still hate you".
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Ken Culbertson

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *****
  • Posts: 692
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #21 on: July 20, 2018, 11:02:13 AM »
It's a picture of a 5 foot high first place cook off trophy my son hooked into and landed at the same time his wife was landing the alligator gar. I guess the winner wanted money instead.
Actually it was the gar fighting back for stealing it's trophy!
AMA 15382

If it is not broke, don't fix it.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Fredvon4

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 1603
  • Central Texas
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #24 on: July 21, 2018, 12:15:05 PM »
25 posts and still nothing by some members who have keen and pretty witty sense of humor....poo

JOKE OF THE DAY: Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault.
We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt.
I reached over and pulled it out.
That's when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said.
"You don't do those kind of things to women."
Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault.
There we were in church saying our prayers.
We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt.
Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.
Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!
"A good scare teaches more than good advice"

Fred von Gortler IV

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Dwayne Donnelly

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 1095
    • My site
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #26 on: July 28, 2018, 01:01:51 PM »
I forgot I started this thread.  n~ <= Thanks for the replies  #^ y1
My purpose in life is to serve as warning to others

 maac 44334

Offline Fredvon4

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 1603
  • Central Texas
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #27 on: July 28, 2018, 02:04:40 PM »
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just @#$% your pants 3 times. It seemed like
there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of crap chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sum***** now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).


That day changed my life.
I now have a newfound respect for things.
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
"A good scare teaches more than good advice"

Fred von Gortler IV

Offline Mike Haverly

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *****
  • Posts: 693
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #28 on: July 28, 2018, 09:10:24 PM »
I got this birthday card in March.  It was from my daughter, I think there's a message here. 

I don't get it :'(
Mike

Offline Bobs your Uncle

  • 2017
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 356
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #29 on: July 28, 2018, 09:31:53 PM »
Did we not used to have a humor section here?
Any way saw this on Facebook and had to post it here. <=

I just look 👀  out for howards posts

Offline Don Coe

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Ensign
  • *
  • Posts: 49
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #30 on: July 29, 2018, 06:50:28 AM »
Wonderful story.  Many chuckles.  Thanks for starting my day with a laugh!  LL~

Online john e. holliday

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 19726
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #31 on: July 29, 2018, 02:44:40 PM »
Fred V. I'm still laughing as I read the story.  Didn't your Dad tell you never grad any electrical wire even if you are guaranteed its unplugged?   My Dad said always touch the back of the hand to the wire first.  That is how he checked the generator on the tractor as I would crank it.   Nothing like a dead battery. H^^
John E. "DOC" Holliday
10421 West 56th Terrace
Shawnee, KANSAS  66203
AMA 23530

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Online john e. holliday

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 19726
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #34 on: July 29, 2018, 09:18:51 PM »
He wouldn't fall for it.
John E. "DOC" Holliday
10421 West 56th Terrace
Shawnee, KANSAS  66203
AMA 23530

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #35 on: August 09, 2018, 04:55:04 PM »
https://www.facebook.com/HERMANcomics/photos/a.325873394147016.80622.284901738244182/2005441622856843/?type=3

"Oh baby you knoooooooow what I like".  According to the Big Bopper anyway.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline GERALD WIMMER

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Commander
  • *
  • Posts: 286
    • Auckland Free Flight Club
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #36 on: August 09, 2018, 05:28:07 PM »
Hello
Roger Ramjet yes still enjoy these now and perfect for waking up my sons Otto and Max so they don't miss the school bus in the morning it always get them up and watching in seconds.


If you watch you will see how some episodes are still relevant over 50 years on.

Regards Gerald


Online Motorman

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • ******
  • Posts: 4174
  • Millville NJ PDQ Flying Clown Country
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #38 on: August 11, 2018, 06:51:04 AM »
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The interrupting cow
The interrup
Mooooo
There will be a sunny day and we will fly our airplanes.

Offline Matt Spencer

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • ******
  • Posts: 3134
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #39 on: August 18, 2018, 07:59:00 PM »

Offline Mike Griffin

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 1319
  • LA Wing Asst Director of Communications
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #40 on: August 18, 2018, 08:14:34 PM »
Here you go

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Online Dan Berry

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *****
  • Posts: 537
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #43 on: August 26, 2018, 08:17:47 AM »
A guys gives his wife a wrapped present.
She opens the present. Inside the package are 12 pairs of panties-all the same style and color.

She looks and says "what's this?"
He says with a look "panties"

She says " But, uhhhh, they're all the same color and style!"
He shrugs and says "and...….?"

She says " well, people will think that I never change my underwear"
He says   " uhhhhhh…… which people?"

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #44 on: August 26, 2018, 12:16:18 PM »
Yeah, which?
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.

Offline Fredvon4

  • 2018 Supporter
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 1603
  • Central Texas
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #45 on: August 26, 2018, 12:29:07 PM »
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

 Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"

Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye." "Very good, Sam. Thank you."

Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
"A good scare teaches more than good advice"

Fred von Gortler IV

Offline kevin king

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Commander
  • ****
  • Posts: 175
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #46 on: August 26, 2018, 06:15:02 PM »
Heeee! That's funny cuz his leash is a CL handle and a set of lines.😂

Offline Bootlegger

  • AMA Member
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Admiral
  • *
  • Posts: 2220
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #47 on: August 27, 2018, 02:59:58 PM »

Here is another, A couple are in the movie theater, and the wife say's "I just let a silent fart out" what should I do? The husband say's "get new batteries for your hearing aid"...
8th Air Force Veteran
Gil Causey
AMA# 6964

Online Dan Berry

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *****
  • Posts: 537
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #48 on: August 27, 2018, 07:02:57 PM »
A priest, a rabbi and a hippopotamus walk into a bar.
The bartender says " What is this? A joke?"

Offline Perry Rose

  • 2015
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 811
Re: Humor section?
« Reply #49 on: August 29, 2018, 10:18:49 AM »
Bartenders will do that.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.


Tags: