Can you sneak out into the back yard and paint with spray-bombs?
I have, in the past, had good luck with using Minwax Polycrylic as a prep coat, and then Rustoleum Gloss Protective Enamel as a top coat. It's not no-smell, but it's definitely low-smell; you may be able to paint it outside and then sneak it in after an hour or so.
I've certainly had old-timers insist that you can get a fine finish in dope by brushing it on, you just need to be more patient during the sanding phase. I'm willing to believe that, but since sanding is the worst phase for me even with spray-on coatings, I haven't exactly jumped on the chance to try it.