Please tell me I'm not alone.....

[jim gilmore]

Hiya giys, I am in NYC taking care of my aging mom. She has the start I am told of alzhimer's. It been very hard and odd. She can be normal and then totally out the window from moment to moment. She can be withdrawn and act lazy and catatoic and then be bouncing off the walls saying "they" are telling her to do things. Telling me to hold my latptop up so the TV can see it.


I haven't got any room to work or time as of yet. I might not even be able to get to a place to fly for some time. But I'm doing my best to not go crazy.
Hope none of you have to deal with this .....

[Mike Scholtes]

Jim, you are far from alone. Millions of baby boomers now into their 60's are caring for elderly parents sliding downhill as Alzheimers or other forms of dementia take our loved ones from us while leaving the shell behind. Plus, many of us are caring for our own children with their own problems, sometimes including moving back home with Mom and Dad (us) when the economy or life in general deals them a bad hand. I was discussing this with a friend over the weekend, about how Alzheimers changes the personality of the person into something unrecognizable. My grandma went that way, from being the most perfect, wonderful, Norman Rockwell granny, always baking pies in the kitchen, to a bitter, then violent crazy old coot who no longer recognized us, or anyone else. Fortunately there are many care centers for Alzheimers and Medicare I believe offers help. There is also help for the caregivers, who sometimes just need a break away from the elder. There is no simple answer to this, but at least you don't have to feel nobody understands your situation.

[Ted Winterman]

     Jim, your not alone. My mom was like that for one and a half years. Both my parents were gone
in just three years. Just do what you can and hang in there.

     Ted

[Bill Heher]

Jim take heart- many of us have been there, are there now, or will be dealing with the same issues too soon.  I had to watch the same thing happen to my Dad, he went from a brillant and articulate engineer - to a paranoid and confused man in 6 months.
Some days they come back almost 100%, take those moments to let them know you are there, and looking after them- assure them that even when they don't know you are there, that you are still by their side and keeping watch, ensuring they are safe and secure. It's about all you can ask for.

[Steve Helmick]

My future ex-wife's mother has Alzheimers...90 years old. She can't remember much, usually, cranky, usually, etc. Yes, the Mother-in-Law also. The wife isn't dealing with it very well. So, yes, we know what you're going through. Don't forget to watch out for yourself during this hard time. Mom's are wonderful, so remember her for what she was, not what she is now. It's why you need to take care of her...to protect her, like she did for you when you were a pup.

Take your fish oil capsules, so you don't end up the same way. I was talking to my Aunt last night (her 90th B'day) and she said to freeze the fish oil capsules, so they don't upset the stomach so much. I haven't tried it, yet.  But I'm taking my fish oil, ya shure, you betcha!  Steve

[Howard Rush]

I am fortunate that my mother actually became more fun with Alzheimer's.  We had a really good time together, but that could be a product of my evil sense of humor.  Just be sure to take over the finances as soon as you can.  There is a big industry of sleazy people who are expert at taking money from geezers.

[W.D. Roland]

Jim
Sure do hate to here of your moms condition.
One of my Uncles had fun with it.
2 aunts were miserable.

Howard
Its probably the (evil) combat flier in you!


Did not know fish oil helped here.

I take it for high triglycerides---now that it has caused a fatty liver,that also leads to heart problems.
Some brands give upset stomach and some don't.


Take care Jim

David

[Phil Hawkins]

Jim, do not try to go through this alone...

look for an Adult Day Care facility that she can go to during the day if only for a couple days a week. She will be with other like minded individuals and it will give you the time to be yourself and give you time to assess options.

I cared for my Grandmother for about a year and it took a harsh toll on me (and marriage) but through it all I held fast to doing the right thing and chosing to understand and discover all I could about dementia... her dementia anyway.

As hard as it was at the time, I finally chose to put her in a secure, ambulatory care facility (NOT A NURSING HOME!)  it was a great place for her (not perfect) she had her meals on time, meds on time, activities, free time, and liberal visiting times (basically, anytime) she had her own room decorated with her stuff, all that was required of me was to do her laundry once a week, but I was there alot more than that. It took a couple months for her to completely get accustomed to being "home" there but when she did alot of the symtoms of her alzhiemers was reduced, but she still had some of the panic attacks but they were very rare. She lived through the whole thing for about three years, until she got pneumonia.

If you just need someone to talk to PM me and I will give you my phone number... Take care and hang in there! Phil

[Geoff Goodworth]

Jim

Phil's suggestion is a very good one.

My mother was gripped by dementia about 2001/2002 but she was obsessed with the fear of going the way of her mother who died age 100 in 2003. That obsession, while understandable, can be a major problem. When my dad died in 2006, my mother and her dementia became a major problem for my younger brother and myself. She had been hospitalised when dad went into his terminal decline because she couldn't care for herself and when dad died, the hospital would not discharge her to live alone. Consequently, there were many problems with her in the hostel that we found for her.

An important issue with all these dementia-type failures is that people regress to much more severe cases of what they really are deep down. So if your mum is a kind, gentle, caring person, her complaint will get worse but she will become a soft touch and caring but easy to manage.

My mother, even when she was all together, could not drive a car but she was pretty good on a broom stick. She became progressively more nasty and difficult to deal with.

I hope your mum is the former because the latter are not just difficult to deal with but can be down right nasty.

[Chuck Feldman]

Jim,

As you can see you are not alone. Being a care giver is not easy. It is very trying and at times demanding. Do try to find some relief. Even a few hours away from the house will help you. Check out the NYC social services and see if they can get you in touch with an organization that can assist you.
Getting on SH everyday will help. Stay in touch with all of us.

God Bless You,

Chuck

[jim gilmore]

Thanks guys, hearing your testamony to these similar events helps. I'm sorry that any of us have gone through this and hope a cure is found someday.
Yes, I log on and read as much as I can here to keep my mind working. I built real a/c for 20 years so building models helps with  that lose. I love the taking something small and adding stuff and creating a plane that flys.
I'm good with things, people have never been my strong point.
again Guys.. THANKS for your support.

[Randy Ryan]

No, unfortunately you are not. My mother in law was diagnosed just last fall after my wife and her brother started noticing memory and "attitude" issues that were unusual for this sweet kind hearted woman. It is a merciless disease and it makes you feel helpless which of course, you are. My prayers go out for all those effected by Alzheimers, the victims are whole familys, not just individuals.