Merphy's Law For Modelers and Other Truths

[Trostle]

Murphy's Law for Modelers:

If something can go wrong, it will.

Mackowski's Laws of Dropped Parts:

1.  The probability of dropping a part on the floor is inversely proportional to the size of the part.
2.  The closer the color match of a part and the floor, the greater the probility of dropping the part.
3.  A dropped part will bounce to the most inaccessible part of the room.
     Corollary:  If the dropped item is heavy or sharp, it will visit your foot before obeying the third law.
4.  As soon as you give up on looking for a dropped part, you will find it by stepping on it.
 
Downey's Laws of Inertia:
 
1.  The more unbuilt kits you have on the shelves, the fewer kits you actually build.
2.  Unbuilt kits expand to fill the space available.
3.  Reference material expands beyond the space available.
4.  Additional reference material adds confusion, not clarification.

Brook's Constant:

There is no such thing as a perfect kit.

Drecher's Parliamentary Rules for Executive Board Meetings:

1.  If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
     Corollary:  However, it will take the most time to discuss.
2.  A motion to adjourn is always in order.

Glue and Paint Laws:

1.  Epoxy and glue only leave strings in the presence of clear plastic canopies.
2.  Paint causes seems to either crack or appear to be cracked.

Millers Chairmanship Principles:

1.  You can't win.
2.  You can't break even.
3.  You can' even quit the game.

Spielberg's Law of Finite Differences:

In most people's minds, the line between being different and being weird is thin and easily crossed.

The Thick Thumb Theorem:

The difficulty in reaching a seam to sand it is directly proportional to the mismatch of the parts.

Sexton's Hypothesis:

The probability of finding an error in a model increases exponentially after it is entered in a contest.
      Corollary::  The more important the contest, the greater the error.

Mrs. Murphy's Comment on Murphy's Law:

     Remember, Murphy was an optimist.

(Borrowed from a plastic model newsletter but much of it applies here.)

Keith

[John Carrodus]

And there endith the sermon!
LOVE it. So true!

I'd like to add one of my own, The better something is - the shorter it lasts.

[Gerald Arana]

Keith & John,

I think I've had every one of those come true! And I especially like the one about dropped parts; It NEVER fails to come true for me! There are several items hiding under/around something in my shop. But I fooled them................I got another one and forgot about'em! 

Jerry

[Ken Culbertson]

Mackowski's Laws of Dropped Parts:

1.  The probability of dropping a part on the floor is inversely proportional to the size of the part.
2.  The closer the color match of a part and the floor, the greater the probility of dropping the part.
3.  A dropped part will bounce to the most inaccessible part of the room.
     Corollary:  If the dropped item is heavy or sharp, it will visit your foot before obeying the third law.
4.  As soon as you give up on looking for a dropped part, you will find it by stepping on it.

Did all but #3 this morning!

Ken

[john e. holliday]

One I have is after you spend hours looking for an item and give up.  Go to the hobby shop to get another one and come home to see the item in plane site on the bench.

[Roy DeCamara]

I don't have to look to outer space for a black hole.  There is apparently one under my work bench!   

[Kermit Payne]

I have this one posted in my workshop:

Measure twice, cut once.  Cut again.  Swear, throw useless piece into scrap bin.  Drive to home improvement store; yell because it’s closed.  Take up knitting as new hobby.

[Ken Culbertson]

I don't have to look to outer space for a black hole.  There is apparently one under my work bench!   

Today I was making the 5th control yoke for my Canard. (Getting 100% of slop out of a "flying wing" is a real trick).  I dropped my one and only metric castle nut on the nut absorbing carpet in my office.  I heard it hit the side of my workbench but after 15 minutes of high tech searching, including lights out flashlights on the floor, I gave up and went for my magnet sticks.  Should have done that first because when I unstuck my stick from the workbench the nut fell to the carpet from under the cabinet.  I never guessed that a small magnet (about 1/2" round) could magnetize an entire steel cabinet!

Ken

[FLOYD CARTER]

That's good!

You should include an important law, just recently deemed acceptable by The Vatican;

Carter's Third Law.

"DIRT AND CRUD IN YOUR FUEL TANK WILL REMAIN HIDDEN IN A REMOTE CORNER, UNTIL YOU SIGNAL FOR AN OFFICIAL FLIGHT.  AT WHICH TIME, IT WILL  ATTEMPT TO CLOG YOUR NEEDLE VALVE.  THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE DURING THE TOP OF THE VERTICAL 8 MANEUVER."

[Robert Zambelli]

Sent to me by Mike Keville a hundred years ago.
Still gets some laughs!

The True Definition of Tools:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes
until you die of old age.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to further round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 50 years ago by someone at Ford, and neatly rounds off their heads.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.
EXPLETIVE: A balm, also referred to as mechanic's lube, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight

[Doug Moisuk]

Propellers are notorious for inflicting serious bodily harm while vigorously defending their space" George Aldrich