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Author Topic: Humor section?  (Read 30191 times)

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #450 on: January 23, 2021, 05:53:48 PM »
Use the go down button. H^^
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Online Doug Moisuk

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #451 on: January 23, 2021, 05:56:58 PM »
Use the go down button. H^^

Thanks that helps but doesnít answer the question. It only takes you to the bottom of page 1.
Doug Moisuk
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Offline Perry Rose

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #452 on: January 31, 2021, 01:38:22 PM »
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.
The worst part of growing old is remembering when you were young.

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #453 on: February 06, 2021, 08:02:50 AM »
 <= #^
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Offline GallopingGhostler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #454 on: February 06, 2021, 09:11:31 AM »
Common cures I grew up with ....

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #455 on: February 07, 2021, 05:15:57 PM »
>>>
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Offline Tony Drago

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #456 on: February 09, 2021, 02:58:47 PM »
A few that were sent to me

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #457 on: February 11, 2021, 12:19:32 PM »
Well?
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Offline John Hammonds

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #458 on: February 19, 2021, 09:17:05 AM »
Well, That's a surprise Where else would they hide them, up a tree?
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.....
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Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #459 on: February 19, 2021, 11:11:16 AM »
Well, That's a surprise Where else would they hide them, up a tree?

You have to consider where the reporter was educated. D>K
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Offline GallopingGhostler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #460 on: February 19, 2021, 11:18:20 AM »
You have to consider where the reporter was educated. D>K

Along with the people who reads the reporter's articles. <=

Sometimes the very person you trusted may be a little stinker.  VD~


Offline John Hammonds

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #461 on: February 19, 2021, 11:39:09 AM »
I don't know which paper that specific article came from but did verify the story via a number of different newspapers.

I thought it quite a humorous headline.

This is the Humor section right?

YMMV

TTFN
John.
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Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #462 on: February 27, 2021, 11:51:04 AM »
Biden

I thought these were funny.
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #463 on: March 01, 2021, 11:27:54 AM »
THIS is funny.

A disgusting ugly PIG who criticized Melania Trump's fashion choices! And she's a FASHION editor for a women's magazine!


Online Elwyn Aud

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Walter?
« Reply #464 on: March 10, 2021, 11:41:49 AM »
The resemblance was so striking I had to post it. No political statement intended.( I can think of several good Biden jokes with this comparison though)

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Walter?
« Reply #465 on: March 10, 2021, 12:25:52 PM »
The resemblance was so striking I had to post it. No political statement intended.

 LL~ LL~
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #466 on: March 10, 2021, 03:58:05 PM »
Some good ones!

Offline John Hammonds

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Re: Walter?
« Reply #467 on: March 10, 2021, 05:21:09 PM »
The resemblance was so striking I had to post it. No political statement intended.

Even as a Brit, that's funny.  LL~

TTFN
John.
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Offline John Hammonds

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #468 on: March 10, 2021, 05:44:58 PM »
English Humour....



TTFN
John.
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Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #469 on: March 10, 2021, 05:46:39 PM »
Jeff Dunham, great ventriloquist.  Every time I see him perform I wonder if he made his poor dummy to look like the Biden so called president. ???
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Offline John Hammonds

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #470 on: March 12, 2021, 05:24:17 PM »
.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.....
Fast, Cheap, Reliable - Choose any 2!
BMFA 165249

Offline John Hammonds

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #471 on: March 12, 2021, 05:26:58 PM »
.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.....
Fast, Cheap, Reliable - Choose any 2!
BMFA 165249

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #472 on: March 12, 2021, 06:07:56 PM »
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Offline GallopingGhostler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #473 on: March 12, 2021, 10:31:59 PM »
Discriminating flies.
Changes in age.

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #474 on: April 06, 2021, 05:32:17 AM »
  LL~
« Last Edit: April 06, 2021, 06:14:01 PM by Dwayne Donnelly »
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Offline GallopingGhostler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #475 on: April 06, 2021, 05:08:58 PM »
Somehow it is difficult to appease the other half ....

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #476 on: April 06, 2021, 05:40:02 PM »
A few good ones!!

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #477 on: April 06, 2021, 05:41:15 PM »
I'll bet their parents are proud!!!!

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #478 on: April 06, 2021, 05:42:53 PM »
Real genius!

Offline John Carrodus

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #479 on: April 15, 2021, 04:19:09 PM »
                                   Control liners move in higher circles.
       Smoke, stink, loud noise and wind, sound like politics with strings attached.
             Old farts, toy airplanes, tears and laughter - sounds like FUN. Tax it!

Offline Tony Drago

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #480 on: April 15, 2021, 06:12:45 PM »
The captions say it all.

Offline afml

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #481 on: May 04, 2021, 03:40:20 PM »
What day is today??

Nope...Guess again! #^

Not even close! HB~>

OK...

I'll tell you.....

NATIONAL STAR WARS DAY! #^

May the 4th be with you!   LL~ LL~ VD~
Wes Eakin

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #482 on: May 04, 2021, 04:48:27 PM »
There's a job opening to work with these guys - anyone interested?

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #483 on: May 04, 2021, 04:54:21 PM »
Good ones!

Offline GallopingGhostler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #484 on: May 04, 2021, 05:17:52 PM »
What day is today?? Nope...Guess again! #^ Not even close! HB~> OK... I'll tell you..... NATIONAL STAR WARS DAY! #^ May the 4th be with you!   LL~ LL~ VD~

Forth was a computer language that was entering prevalence around the time of the 1st Star Wars movie. It appears to have gone into oblivion along with Pascal, PL1, and unfortunately BASIC, etc. I took FORTRAN IV instead of the highly recommended new PL1 recommended for engineering students back in the early 1970's. When I started work, and that in software writing, I saw no shade of PL1 ever since. Yet saw FORTRAN in various shades since. It was true back then, real men program in FORTRAN.

https://www.pbm.com/~lindahl/real.programmers.html

Offline afml

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #485 on: May 04, 2021, 08:41:54 PM »
" Real Programmers survive on Twinkies and coffee. "
There's where I messed up.....
My mainstay was Beer & Cheese Popcorn! VD~
Did have fun times with the PDP4 computer at the Pittsburgh Institute of Technology.
Wes Eakin

Offline GallopingGhostler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #486 on: May 04, 2021, 10:27:15 PM »
"Real Programmers survive on Twinkies and coffee." There's where I messed up..... My mainstay was Beer & Cheese Popcorn! VD~ Did have fun times with the PDP4 computer at the Pittsburgh Institute of Technology.

I was still in grade school when the PDP-4 was out. ;) At the University of Hawaii, I remember the cheese crackers in the vending machines that were made prestale, so they wouldn't go worse in the machines. They fueled late night study sessions. And, the small machine brewed coffee using real grinds (not the modern liquid coffee syrup now served) in vending cups, kept eyes open late at night. LL~

And, the BCC-500 (Berkeley Computer Corporation Model 500) in Holmes Hall (engineering college building) that had text games on it using teletype and cheap paper rolls made of paper similar to newsprint. (We had a professor who worked there, brought it with him when he come to the UH.) It also had a BASIC interpreter on it, but I had access to an HP-85 microcomputer with HP-BASIC and HPIB interface buss (IEEE-488) for connecting scientific instruments to. (I took an undergraduate directed research course, ME-499 where I wrote a paper and wrote a program using Fourier Transforms to mathematically approximate model rocket thrust curves. It was later used for an undergraduate class.

We didn't have access to the tele-terminals to the university's IBM 370 mainframe, we all had to share the key punch machine and cut each line of code on a Hollerith card. Then do like BC did to wait for the print out with error messages, let the bottle drift out with the evening tide, wait for its return on the morning tide. (Actual turn around time varied between 10 minutes during evening and weekend hours to 45 minutes nearing midterms.)

I found out working for Douglas Aircraft Company in the 1980's, that those Dilbert cartoons are true! y1 Even down to the pointed hair supervisor  ~^ and Wally! %^@

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #487 on: May 05, 2021, 07:28:40 AM »
Wisdom for today

There are three things that cannot be easily hidden: The Sun, the Moon, and the Truth.

The following are 2 Simple Truths, 5 Rules of Life, and 3 Bonus Rules:

SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations."
But none go up to the man, touch his penis and say, "Good Job."
Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money can't buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Ferrari than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.
5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

BONUS RULES:
1. Condoms do not guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
2. I think all politicians should wear uniforms. You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.
3. Also, all politicians should serve only two terms -- one in office and one in prison.

This was a public service announcement. No need to thank me. 

Bob Z.

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #488 on: May 08, 2021, 12:05:38 PM »
 LL~
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #489 on: May 12, 2021, 08:13:33 AM »
Now this I can believe.  LL~
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #490 on: May 21, 2021, 05:57:17 AM »
....
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Online Dwayne Donnelly

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #491 on: May 30, 2021, 11:07:28 AM »
....
My purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #492 on: June 05, 2021, 03:16:38 PM »
ENJOY!!!

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #493 on: June 10, 2021, 04:46:42 AM »
A Loving Husband
Thinking back a few years, living in Fla., I remember Hurricane Irma. I was ready for it but my wife was not.
When the wind reached a screaming pitch with trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences, as well as the unnerving sound-levels, my wife was rooted to the spot. She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever.
Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to open the door and let her in.

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #494 on: June 10, 2021, 05:00:25 AM »
Lets LAUGH!!

Offline Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #495 on: June 10, 2021, 05:01:27 AM »
A few more.

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #496 on: June 10, 2021, 03:46:03 PM »
Blond jokes.
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Shawnee, KANSAS  66203
AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Offline AirClassix

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #497 on: June 10, 2021, 11:11:31 PM »
Dennis Leonhardi
New Prague, MN
AMA 353
http://stores.ebay.com/airclassix

Offline GallopingGhostler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #498 on: June 19, 2021, 12:34:20 PM »

Very true, agree 100%.  y1 And here is a little bit of advice from a defunct British motorcycle company on warnings for using synthetic oil, definitely not for classic legacy CL engines. Please take note all ye who dare not heed! n1 LL~

https://web.archive.org/web/20081008144111/http://www.spagthorpe.com/maintenance/synthetic.html

Quote from: www.spagthorpe.com
Spagthorpe Maintenance Bulletins
The Dangers of Synthetic Motor Oil

Beware of synthetic oil! It can do terrible things to you and your beloved motorcycle. It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also will make every part of your bike permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain dispersion action. Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to retract automatically, dropping your bike on the ground! But thatís not all...

Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It will also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off in the apex of a turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic oil coats your sight window and your timing window with a whitish pro-emulsification additive that is both non-removable and highly corrosive. Synthetic oil will completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog will drink it and die.

Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full leathers on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks and accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. It will make it rain during rallies and on weekends. It will lubricate four timing belts causing them to jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically weakens desmodromic valves and causes the clearances to change every six miles. Then it melts the black soles of your riding boots night before you walk across your new carpeting.

While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of your handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your windscreen with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your swingarm to crack, your studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it voids your warranty by changing your odometer reading to 55,555. It also dries out your wetclutch and wets your dryclutch. It makes your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on the hottest day of the year while putting an angry wasp in your helmet for good measure.

Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket and puts superglue on your earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your faceshield and make your gloves shrink two sizes night before trackday. Synthetic oil stole your neutral and sold it to the Chinese for £1.25. Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail. Synthetic oil will write long crazy e-mails to your Internet friends and then sign your name at the bottom!

Gleaned from numerous Internet sources.
www.spagthorpe.com

Offline Air Ministry .

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #499 on: Yesterday at 02:49:51 AM »
Be sure to get your Cornflakes . Now with the New FREE Drivers Licence .



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