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Author Topic: Humor section?  (Read 73132 times)

Offline Steve Helmick

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #150 on: January 23, 2019, 12:48:37 PM »
   LL~  LL~  LL~   LL~  LL~  LL~ Steve
"The United States has become a place where professional athletes and entertainers are mistaken for people of importance." - Robert Heinlein

In 1944 18-20 year old's stormed beaches, and parachuted behind enemy lines to almost certain death.  In 2015 18-20 year old's need safe zones so people don't hurt their feelings.

Offline Air Ministry .

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #151 on: January 23, 2019, 09:03:59 PM »



Offline TigreST

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #152 on: January 23, 2019, 09:39:20 PM »
So…the husband comes home and finds his wife packing her suitcase.

“Where are you going?”, he asks.

She says, “I’ve just watched a show on the t.v. and they said that as a prostitute in Toronto I can earn $400.00 a pop for what I’ve been giving away to you for free all these years!”

Hearing this the husband goes to the closet and grabs his suitcase and begins packing.

She sees this and asks, “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

He says, “I’m going to Toronto with you.  I wanna  see how you live on $800.00 a year!”
Tony Bagley
Ontario, Canada

Jim Roselle

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #153 on: January 28, 2019, 12:17:44 AM »
The most humorous thing this week:

 Ann Coulter calling Trump the biggest wimp to ever be president and calling herself a stupid girl because she voted for a “lying con man”. Now THAT’S funny!!!

Nancy Pelosi built a wall and Trump ran right into it...

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #154 on: January 28, 2019, 12:09:49 PM »
The most humorous thing this week:

 Ann Coulter calling Trump the biggest wimp to ever be president and calling herself a stupid girl because she voted for a “lying con man”. Now THAT’S funny!!!

Nancy Pelosi built a wall and Trump ran right into it...

Not funny but I think all politicians who don't go for building the wall should be required to tear down the walls around their properties.   Check history,  Clinton started a bill that Obama signed into law and now Trump is getting blasted for wanting to enforce it. S?P
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Jim Roselle

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #155 on: January 28, 2019, 04:30:40 PM »
That was not a wall, it was empty Botox containers.

Ken

Whatever it was it sure as hell worked. Im sure trump is no stranger to the Botox needle or the plastic surgeons knife either.

Jim Roselle

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #156 on: January 28, 2019, 06:58:28 PM »
Not funny but I think all politicians who don't go for building the wall should be required to tear down the walls around their properties.   Check history,  Clinton started a bill that Obama signed into law and now Trump is getting blasted for wanting to enforce it. S?P


They’ve caught more people on the terror watch list coming in from Canada than Mexico. Why no suggestion of a wall on the northern border? As far as undocumented migrants from the south I’ve been working with them my entire adult life. At the lower end of the pay scale their work ethic is far superior to any natural born Caucasian  citizen I’ve ever worked with. Undocumented immigrants are here because we want them to do the jobs most Americans feel they are above. If we didn’t want them here enough to make them a vital part of our economy they wouldn’t be  here. For what it’s worth if you lost your job to someone with a third grade education that can’t speak English it’s your own damn fault.

As far as illegal drugs coming across the border find a way to make American citizens stop being the single most lucrative market and the flow will stop.

Offline wwwarbird

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #157 on: January 28, 2019, 07:09:25 PM »
So…the husband comes home and finds his wife packing her suitcase.

“Where are you going?”, he asks.

She says, “I’ve just watched a show on the t.v. and they said that as a prostitute in Toronto I can earn $400.00 a pop for what I’ve been giving away to you for free all these years!”

Hearing this the husband goes to the closet and grabs his suitcase and begins packing.

She sees this and asks, “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

He says, “I’m going to Toronto with you.  I wanna  see how you live on $800.00 a year!”

  LL~ LL~ LL~
Narrowly averting disaster since 1964! 

Wayne Willey
Albert Lea, MN U.S.A. IC C/L Aircraft Modeler, Ex AMA member

Offline wwwarbird

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #158 on: January 28, 2019, 07:25:20 PM »


They’ve caught more people on the terror watch list coming in from Canada than Mexico. Why no suggestion of a wall on the northern border? As far as undocumented migrants from the south I’ve been working with them my entire adult life. At the lower end of the pay scale their work ethic is far superior to any natural born Caucasian  citizen I’ve ever worked with. Undocumented immigrants are here because we want them to do the jobs most Americans feel they are above. If we didn’t want them here enough to make them a vital part of our economy they wouldn’t be  here. For what it’s worth if you lost your job to someone with a third grade education that can’t speak English it’s your own damn fault.

As far as illegal drugs coming across the border find a way to make American citizens stop being the single most lucrative market and the flow will stop.

 A great song here (recorded 12 years ago)...

 
 
Narrowly averting disaster since 1964! 

Wayne Willey
Albert Lea, MN U.S.A. IC C/L Aircraft Modeler, Ex AMA member

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #159 on: January 29, 2019, 11:15:31 AM »
Some times the truth is funny S?P
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #160 on: January 29, 2019, 03:07:58 PM »
Some times the truth is funny S?P

Leviticus 19:33-34

  “When a foreigner resides among you in your land,  do not mistreat them.
     The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were  foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.”

I suppose we all have our own truth to follow, this is mine.


Offline Perry Rose

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Offline FLOYD CARTER

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #162 on: January 30, 2019, 11:33:16 AM »
Be very careful what you post here.  If you dare to criticize The Donald, you will get jumped on and thrashed.
89 years, but still going (sort of)
AMA #796  SAM #188  LSF #020

Online Dan Berry

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #163 on: January 30, 2019, 05:21:04 PM »
Be very careful what you post here.  If you dare to criticize The Donald, you will get jumped on and thrashed.

Remember that this is the humor page. If it ain't funny it belongs somewhere else.

Online Dan Berry

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #164 on: January 31, 2019, 06:08:39 PM »
A guy sees a hitchhiker. Hitchhiker is standing at the side of the road, right hand out, thumb up in the classic pose. With his left hand he is furiously picking his nose. Driver pulls to a stop and asks the hitchhiker " How far are ya goin'?" The hitchhiker replies " Does it matter to you if I'm going all the way to my wrist?"

Offline Steve Helmick

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #165 on: January 31, 2019, 09:05:13 PM »
Be very careful what you post here.  If you dare to criticize The Donald, you will get jumped on and thrashed.


That's "Mr. President", and don't forget it! He is OUR/YOUR President, just like that last guy.  H^^ Steve
"The United States has become a place where professional athletes and entertainers are mistaken for people of importance." - Robert Heinlein

In 1944 18-20 year old's stormed beaches, and parachuted behind enemy lines to almost certain death.  In 2015 18-20 year old's need safe zones so people don't hurt their feelings.

Offline Perry Rose

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #166 on: February 04, 2019, 02:17:34 PM »
    Rodney Dangerfield.
I may be wrong but I doubt it.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.
The worst part of growing old is remembering when you were young.

Offline Perry Rose

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #167 on: February 13, 2019, 05:37:50 AM »
New Hampshire weather man. Danger, rough language.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/917098491663417/
I may be wrong but I doubt it.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.
The worst part of growing old is remembering when you were young.

Dwayne

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #168 on: February 13, 2019, 07:05:04 AM »


They’ve caught more people on the terror watch list coming in from Canada than Mexico. Why no suggestion of a wall on the northern border? As far as undocumented migrants from the south I’ve been working with them my entire adult life. At the lower end of the pay scale their work ethic is far superior to any natural born Caucasian  citizen I’ve ever worked with. Undocumented immigrants are here because we want them to do the jobs most Americans feel they are above. If we didn’t want them here enough to make them a vital part of our economy they wouldn’t be  here. For what it’s worth if you lost your job to someone with a third grade education that can’t speak English it’s your own damn fault.

As far as illegal drugs coming across the border find a way to make American citizens stop being the single most lucrative market and the flow will stop.

Don't like politics on a model site and most definitely not on my threads, but this here deserves a big amen and thanks.  It truly amazes me how many sane rational adults are so naive to think that the wall will do something to slow down the amount of drugs entering the Country, it  won't, not one  bit, as long as the demand is there the dealers will just find another way. The end.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2019, 08:18:20 PM by Dwayne Donnelly »

Offline Mike Griffin

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #169 on: February 14, 2019, 07:14:20 AM »
His new wife was standing there by the bench watching  him. After a long period of  silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking,  now that  we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your  time out here in your garage. You probably should also consider selling your Harley and all your welding equipment along with your gun collection, your fishing gear, the boat and all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump that vintage hot rod sports car and your  home brewing equipment.”   
Tom got a horrified look on his face. She said, "Darling, what's  wrong?”   
He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife!”   
"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED  BEFORE!”   
Tom replied, “I wasn't."

Online Gerald Arana

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #170 on: February 14, 2019, 09:29:22 AM »
New Hampshire weather man. Danger, rough language.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/917098491663417/

That language is a little to "rough" a AFAIC

Not funny, just vulgar.

Try again, Jerry

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #171 on: February 15, 2019, 11:36:27 AM »
Some funnies to me.
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AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Offline Air Ministry .

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #172 on: February 15, 2019, 09:08:10 PM »

Offline Steve Helmick

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #173 on: February 15, 2019, 10:17:35 PM »



There's a Trump's Hobbies in Corvallis, Oregon. Not sure if it's the one in the picture, but I've been there. I looked all around, bought the latest issue of Flying Models and left. Yep, it was awhile ago.  y1 Steve
"The United States has become a place where professional athletes and entertainers are mistaken for people of importance." - Robert Heinlein

In 1944 18-20 year old's stormed beaches, and parachuted behind enemy lines to almost certain death.  In 2015 18-20 year old's need safe zones so people don't hurt their feelings.

Online Dan Berry

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #174 on: February 16, 2019, 04:33:28 PM »
As a single mom I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.  While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right.  I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, "Yes, you are correct.  But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "’Cause you're ugly."

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #175 on: February 16, 2019, 05:31:56 PM »
Did the drunk live long enough to make it to the hospital? LL~ LL~ LL~

But, you know as I got older the ladies of this world sure improved in looks. D>K
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Offline Steve Helmick

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #176 on: February 18, 2019, 03:50:15 PM »
Just saw this on UTube. Pretty funny, tho it is in a foreign language. The magic laundry basket and magic table are a hoot. Don't turn up the volume if your "trouble & strife" is nearby.  LL~ Steve

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=100&v=SqQgDwA0BNU


Edit: It's really not in a foreign language, but Matt Spencer would have better luck than some. Subtitles aren't actually required.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2019, 09:01:57 PM by Steve Helmick »
"The United States has become a place where professional athletes and entertainers are mistaken for people of importance." - Robert Heinlein

In 1944 18-20 year old's stormed beaches, and parachuted behind enemy lines to almost certain death.  In 2015 18-20 year old's need safe zones so people don't hurt their feelings.

Online Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #177 on: February 22, 2019, 09:19:47 AM »
A little political but funny!

Remember that the idiot Trump-haters have called him mentally ill, a pathological liar and the WORST president in history.
Some have claimed that he's lazy and has done nothing for the USA.
And others have said that obummer was the best president in history and his wife the most beautiful first lady (I question "lady")
Now THAT'S FUNNY!

Done nothing for the country? I beg to differ.

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #178 on: February 22, 2019, 10:51:51 AM »
They left off that he bowed or apologized to any foreign leader.   I also think another first was the best looking and didn't need an army of servants.  By the way the Trump Ringmaster is listed on the bay. D>K
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Online Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #179 on: February 22, 2019, 05:04:46 PM »
Subject: The moral of the story.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to
tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their
stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized, that only Jeanie was left.
"Jeanie, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot
in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival
knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and
then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops........
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed
four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the
last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you
was the moral to this horrible story'?"
...."Don't Screw with Mommy when she's been drinking."
....I love these touching stories !!!


 


Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #180 on: February 25, 2019, 12:40:56 PM »
These I laugh and cringe at as I wonder where she got her education.
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Offline Gary Dowler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #181 on: February 25, 2019, 01:18:09 PM »
These I laugh and cringe at as I wonder where she got her education.
ROFLMAO!!!!!!  That's seriously the funniest thing I've seen in a long time!!

Gary
Profanity is the crutch of the illiterate mind

Offline Larry Renger

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #182 on: February 25, 2019, 07:30:35 PM »
Donut seeds? No wonder my tummy is so big, they must be growing!
Think S.M.A.L.L. y'all and, it's all good, CL, FF and RC!

DesignMan
 BTW, Dracula Sucks!  A closed mouth gathers no feet!

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #183 on: February 26, 2019, 12:03:57 PM »
I take it you are not a progressive. LL~ LL~ LL~ H^^
   

Does that mean I believe people should work for what they get.  The rich didn't get where they are taking hand outs.  Had a teacher that told us that during the depression they would report to soup station and were handed a broom.  Had to sweep an alley or side walk or pick up trash before they could get a bowl of soup. D>K
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #184 on: February 26, 2019, 01:33:59 PM »
These I laugh and cringe at as I wonder where she got her education.

I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about her, she has no chance of ever winning the Democratic nomination, right now she's to young anyway, so let her have her 15 minutes in a few years she'll be yesterday's news.

Online Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #185 on: February 26, 2019, 01:53:21 PM »
You should read all the CRAP she's troweling out.
Check out the new green deal she's proposing.
Sad truth is, the moron democraps are supporting her, even though she's as dumb as a box of rocks.
And, by the way, the world will end in twelve years.

Offline Gary Dowler

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #186 on: February 26, 2019, 05:46:39 PM »
She will revise that in 10 years when she reaches puberty.

Ken
LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~
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Online Gerald Arana

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #187 on: February 26, 2019, 07:03:49 PM »
   

Does that mean I believe people should work for what they get.  The rich didn't get where they are taking hand outs.  Had a teacher that told us that during the depression they would report to soup station and were handed a broom.  Had to sweep an alley or side walk or pick up trash before they could get a bowl of soup. D>K



That sounds like a damn good idea to me y1

Jerry

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #188 on: February 26, 2019, 07:07:22 PM »
You should read all the CRAP she's troweling out.
Check out the new green deal she's proposing.
Sad truth is, the moron democraps are supporting her, even though she's as dumb as a box of rocks.
And, by the way, the world will end in twelve years.


You are wrong Robert...................The rocks are twice as smart as she is!  LL~ LL~ LL~

Jerry

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #189 on: February 27, 2019, 09:53:07 AM »
Scottish Wedding

At the Scottish Wedding reception the D.J. yelled,  'Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living".

The bartender was almost crushed to death.   D>K

By the way the Earth has been ending for ages.   I think about every generation has had some one set a date.   Only our supreme GOD knows when he put it out of existence. ???
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Offline wwwarbird

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #190 on: March 10, 2019, 07:55:07 PM »
 LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~ LL~
Narrowly averting disaster since 1964! 

Wayne Willey
Albert Lea, MN U.S.A. IC C/L Aircraft Modeler, Ex AMA member

Online Robert Zambelli

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #191 on: March 16, 2019, 08:47:29 AM »

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." Once again St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, " Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him and hung him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..."

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good." But the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #192 on: March 17, 2019, 09:03:56 PM »
Sometimes you need to read the fine print. D>K
John E. "DOC" Holliday
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Offline Perry Rose

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I may be wrong but I doubt it.
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The worst part of growing old is remembering when you were young.

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #194 on: March 18, 2019, 11:16:17 AM »
This guy is so far out there.  I wonder how many he has posted in his file as I've yet to reach the end. D>K
John E. "DOC" Holliday
10421 West 56th Terrace
Shawnee, KANSAS  66203
AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Dwayne

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #195 on: March 18, 2019, 06:14:09 PM »
Spring pops up and three little Moles decide to check things out.  The first Mole crawls up the hole and says, "I smell daffodils and the sun on my nose".  Second Mole crawls up , sticks out his nose and says" AH, yes fresh grass and petunias too".  The third little mole crawls up and gets stuck and says, "All I smell is molasses". H^^

As one sheep said to the other, that's just baaaad. And I'm telling it at  work tomorrow.  LL~ LL~

Offline Perry Rose

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #196 on: March 20, 2019, 06:40:57 AM »
I may be wrong but I doubt it.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.
The worst part of growing old is remembering when you were young.

Offline john e. holliday

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Re: Humor section?
« Reply #197 on: March 22, 2019, 11:36:41 AM »
Helping democrats. #^ #^
John E. "DOC" Holliday
10421 West 56th Terrace
Shawnee, KANSAS  66203
AMA 23530  Have fun as I have and I am still breaking a record.

Offline Perry Rose

  • Go vote, it's so easy dead people do it all the time.
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I may be wrong but I doubt it.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.
The worst part of growing old is remembering when you were young.

Offline Perry Rose

  • Go vote, it's so easy dead people do it all the time.
  • 2015
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I may be wrong but I doubt it.
I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she had a chance to win.
The worst part of growing old is remembering when you were young.


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