Don,
Programming instructions usually come with your ESC. If that is not the case, you will need to get them from the manufacturer, the vendor or sometimes they are posted on the WEB. If you have the information about who made the ESC and what model it is, you might post a question on this forum and especially on RC forums and someone will likely be able to give you the information you need. What I'm saying is that different ESCs have different methods for programming so no body can tell you how to program your ESC unless they know exactly what ESC you have.
As far as battery discharge goes, a good charger will tell you how many mah were returned to the battery during the recharge and that is how much you have discharged the battery. Also, many chargers will estimate the % of discharge as they start to do the recharge (likely not as accurate as the report of how many mah were need to fully recharge the battery).
Hope this helps.
John